Finding Happiness
by brittlovestowrite
Summary: Someone unexpectedly enters back into Olivia Benson's life. Will she be able to find happiness with them? Will she ever get her happy ending? *characters belong to Dick Wolf*
1. Unexpected Visitor

**March 26,Thursday Night 9:53 PM**

Noah was particularly fussy that night and Olivia had just gotten him to sleep when there was a faint knock at the door.

"Who would be stopping by right now?" she thought

The knocking became louder.

"Coming." she called out as she walked over to the door and looked through the peephole.

It was Bryan. Bryan Cassidy. What the hell was he doing here? She took a deep breath and proceeded to open the door. She couldn't form any coherent words at the moment so that meant Bryan was going to have to be the one speak up first.

"Umm,Hey Liv. Um, I just uhh. Do you mind if we have this conversation inside."

"Hello Bryan, um ok sure." She contorted her face and unconsciously scratched over her brow. She opened the door wider letting him in.

"Just be careful and watch out for the toys."

He stepped in and began to take in the new scenery. The apartment looked so much different from the last time he was here, from the last _he_ lived here. Toys for a little boy were scattered in ever corner. Blocks, stuffed animals, books, and boxes of unused diapers. A pacifier even laid on the table where a ring stain was left from his wet rimmed beer when he had forgotten to use a coaster. He remembered how Olivia had really tore into him for that.

" Deep breaths, you can do this. It's just Liv." he told himself.

She closed the door and took a seat next to him on the couch,the one that they once shared.

"So Liv, how are you?"

" I'm sorry, and not to be rude but I'm exhausted. Can you just cut to the chase? Why are you here?" She ran her hands over her face and threw her growing hair into a ponytail.

" Wow. Well ok. I just... I uhh, I miss you. I can't stop thinking about you. I still love-" she cut him off.

" Stop." She began to raise her voice. "Please don't finish that sentence. It was mutual Bryan. We wanted different things and we still do. What changed? I don't understand where this is all coming from." She is standing now in utter disbelief.

" I realized that I was wrong, that is what's changed. I love you. I always will." He is now matching her stance and volume level. " I know that love always isn't enough but when I was alone in my new apartment, Watching some sports game with a beer in hand, I just realized that I didn't want that for the rest of my life I wanted you. I want you. I want a life with you. I heard you got custody of Baby boy Doe." he hesitantly looks over at her and she is definitely glaring at him.

"Bryan, you didn't want kids and a marriage or whatever the next step in our relationship was. I wasn't asking for some white picket fenced house, I wasn't asking for the impossible! I was asking for a family, and you didn't want a family, well at least not with me, so I moved on without you. That little boy, Noah, has been through it and his life has barely started, he comes first now. I love him as if he were my own flesh and blood. I'm happy now." A tear threatens to escape from her watering eyes.

" I know you're happy. I'm saying that I'm not, I'm saying that the both of us could be happier...together. If you just give me a chance, give us a second chance." he pleads.

" I don't know about all that Bryan. Are you ready for all the diaper changes? Bath time? Bedtime stories? Putting someone else and their needs before your own? He has medical problems, are you telling me you're ready to handle that?" she quizzically looks at him.

Noah's cries are then heard from the baby monitor due to all the shouting.

"Liv I -" she cuts him off again

"Are you ready to deal with that?" She says referring to the crying.

" I got to check on him. Just uhh ,just let yourself out." she lets out an exasperated sigh.

She gets up from the couch and he watches her as she disappears into the bedroom.

He listens to her lulling the little boy back to sleep. He knows she would be livid if he is still here when she comes out so he lets himself out hoping and praying that she will give him a second chance.


	2. Temporary Fix

**March 27, Friday 2:49 PM**

Olivia sits down in her office with a pounding headache that she just can't seem to shake off. At least they had wrapped up their recent case that she had the squad working on for but now for the unfortunate mountains of paperwork that she needs to catch up on that she clearly shouldn't have rejected. After last nights visitor she couldn't focus, she needed just a second to breathe.

Olivia held her head in both her hands waiting for the aspirin to kick in but then her thoughts start to betray her and wander off for about the fifth time that day.

"Why did he have to stop by last night and stir up all of these feelings? Things were going so good, but I guess that's Cassidy for you. I still love him and if I didn't have Noah I would have taken him back in a heartbeat ...at least I think I would have. I don't want men in and out of Noah's life. If I take him back it can't be like the last time. We have so much things to work on, so many things I want to tell him but just can't. Will he be able to understand that I'll open up to him in my own time? I feel like I trust him, it's just..I don't know. I honestly don't know what to do."

Her thoughts are then interrupted bringing her back to the present world.

" Liv you ok? I called your name like three times. You didn't even hear me knock on the door."

She looks up and sees Amaro making his way over to her.

" Nick, I'm fine, I'm fine. Sorry. What do you need?" She lets out a sigh

"Some delivery man just brought these for you." Nick is holding a bouquet of beautiful flowers and wearing a smirk. He puts it on her desk.

She looks up at him "Oh God, hand me the card please." She gets up and comes around to the front of her desk.

_Liv I'm sorry for just showing up last night like that. I want to be with you and I'll wait until whenever you're ready. I'm here for you always in whatever way you will have me. I'll love you always sunshine. _

_-Bryan_

Nick looks at her expecting her to relay whatever was transcribed on the card.

She rolls her eyes trying her best not to make eye contact with him."Anything else you need Nick? She says

"Not particularly, but do you need anything? You look tired, you doing alright?"he looks over at her wearing a concerned look.

"I'm fineeeeee. What is with everyone?!" Nick then gets wide eyed and he puts his hands up in a surrendering position. "Sorry, I'm just worried, when I came in here you were just in another world, and then these flowers came and you just seemed to-

She looked over to him daring him to finish his sentence.

"Seemed to what?"

"Nothing, never mind that, so How's Noah doing?"

"He is doing much better. There is so much that I want to protect him from that I know that I can't. That little boy is the best thing that has ever happened to me." There goes that smile that Amaro was waiting for. Just the mention of Noah brightens up her day.

"I can see that Liv." He returns the smile. "Why don't you just go on home? They don't stay this young forever, don't worry I'll hold the fort. Plus I know that whoever sent you these flowers probably has a lot of apologizing to do. I could tell by the way you crumpled up that card." There goes that smirk again.

She looks down noticing all the creases she made to the card. " Ha ha Nick." She says then lets out a real laugh.

"Nice try Amaro, how about instead of trying to use your detective skills on me, you go and fill out some of that paperwork that's waiting on your desk for you." she walks back over to behind her desk and looks down at the untouched pile of work ahead of her.

"You know what? I going to take you up on your offer and head out early." She slips on her coat and picks up her purse and shoves the crinkled card in before zipping it up.

She walks over to Nick and breathes in the scent of flowers that he is still holding. She looks up at him saying " Make sure this place doesn't burn down while I'm gone. If you need me don't hesitate to call."

He lets out a laugh, "Copy that Sergeant, enjoy the rest of your day." He then leans a little closer and with a more serious tone says "Don't let anybody give you a hard time alright, and if they do just send them my way."

Laughing she says " Thanks but I got it under control Nick." She pats him on the back and heads out of office for the day heading home.

**Later that day, 4:15 PM**

Olivia arrives at home sets her things down and slides off her coat. She realizes that Noah and Lucy aren't there mentally kicks herself for let letting her mind slip and forgetting that tonight was the night that Lucy offered to give her some time to herself and have the night off, Lord knows she needed it.

She figures that there is no better time like the present and to just rip off the band aid and deal with this Bryan thing sooner rather than later, so she decides to send him a text. She kicks her shoes off and lays back on the couch and after all her mind wandering and thinking she figures that she was pretty harsh to him last night and thinks that she'll take a different approach with him, after all she really did miss him.

[ Thank you for the flowers Bryan but you didn't have to send them.]

[ You're welcome Liv, and yes I did. I just wanted to apologize for last night. I guess I didn't think it through. I should have called first. ]

[ yea , you should have, but I I'm sorry if I was a little frazzled I'm just dealing with a lot right now]

[No need to apologize, I get it. I really do]

[ I do think we should really talk. Are you free later? ]

[ Yea I'm off for the week, I'm at home.]

[ Wanna swing by so we can finish our convo? I'll be nicer this time I promise.]

[ lol for my sake I hope so. What time is good?]

[Is around 9:30 fine?]

[Yea perfect see you then]

She gives a sigh of relief. Thinking that that was easier than she thought it would be Now that that is out of the way she starts clearly up the apartment and gives Lucy a call.

"Hi Lucy, just wanted to see how my little bugger is doing?"

" Noah is doing good, I was just about to feed him Do you wanna talk to him?"

"Yes I would love to."

Lucy puts the phone on speaker ,"Mama is on the phone Noah, say hi to Mama." She says in a baby voice.

Olivia hears babbling that doesn't make much sense but her heart leaps with joy as she hears her sons voice.

" Hi Noah, Mama loves you. You be good for Lucy and have a good dinner. Don't make too much trouble."

Noah babbles some more and it melts Olivia's heart. Lucy takes the phone off speaker.

"You enjoy the night Liv, I'll get in touch with you around bedtime."

" I don't know what I would do without you, thanks for this. I'll talk to you later alright."

" I offered Liv, it's no problem. Stop worrying" Lucy laughs.

" Ok, ok, ok" Olivia returns the laugh "Bye Lucy."

" Bye Liv."

She then lays on the couch and takes some deep breaths feeling the exhaustion from the last couple of days and how much it really is taking a toll on her.

Knowing that Bryan is coming over later she sets her alarm and decides to sleep off her headache and catch up on some well deserved rest

Olivia falls asleep in no time and sleep then becomes her sweet escape.

Too bad sleeping doesn't fix everything.


	3. Home Run

**Thursday, March 27, 9:36 PM**

Brian arrives at the apartment and knocks on the door. "Hey Liv, its me." He calls out from the other side.

She opens the door for him welcoming him inside while she wears a welcoming matching grin.

" Hey, come on in." she says. He steps inside and she closes the door behind him. "Can I get you something to drink?" Olivia asks

Bryan is nervously wringing his hands and is nervously shifting his weight back and forth between his two legs. "Umm water is fine." he then proceeds to take off his jacket and take a seat on the familiar couch. "Actually do you have any beer?" he says thinking that he may have to loosen up a little.

"Yea I do Bry. Do you want a Blue Moon?" she shouts over from kitchen

"Blue Moon is fine."

She pops open his beer smiling knowing that it is his favorite. Somewhere along the lines of their relationship she grew to end up developing a liking for the strangely orange flavored beer. She then starts remembering how his kisses sometimes tasted like it and how after he moved out she seemed to be drinking and stocking up on that beer more than her usual wine preference.

She jars herself from her thoughts and revers herself back into the present and then pours herself a third cup of wine. She previously do downed two wine glasses before he arrived having similar thoughts of maybe if she loosened up a bit that this conversation will somehow be easier.

With the beer and glass of wine in her hand she walks over to the living room handing Bryan his choice of alcohol and taking a swig of her wine before setting it down on the coffee table.

"Sooo..." They both manage to say at the same time."

"No you go first." Again synchronized.

They both laugh. " Go ahead Liv" Bryan says

"Ok so first off I just wanna apologize for last night. Noah has had me feeling really tired lately. He is teething so he gets cranky and when he's cranky I get all-"

"No need to apologize. I shouldn't have just showed up like that. We have separate lives now. You moved on and you're happy. All I ever wanted is for you is to be happy. I love seeing you smile. I mean I know we have things to work on but I'm willing to try if you are." He takes a long swig of is beer before he allows himself to her her answer.

" I thought you wanted me to talk first Cassidy." Her statement brings forth a laughter in them both and she gulps down some more of her wine trying to alleviate some of the tension in the air.

" I had some time to think it over and I want to give us another go but I'm not comfortable with you meeting Noah yet. You have to show me that you really want this, that when this gets too hard and too much handle that you're willing to stick through it."

" I don't want to start an argument... but as my memory serves me, I was always the one willing to stick through the hard times to figure this out. I'm just mad that I didn't fight hard enough for us. That was my mistake. Yea the idea if having a child scares me but there is no one in the world that I rather be scared with Liv." he looks over at afraid of what she will say next.

" I know I kept a wall up around certain aspects of what happened to me and I'm willing to knock down those walls...but in my own time. And Bryan for the record I just meant that raising a child is a lot. It's a whole other person depending completely on you. I know that you love me and stuck by my side through the whole Lewis ordeal. Even checking up on me after the second time he got to me, thank you for that. Thanks for being my rock." She takes a hold of his hand and scoots closer to him on the couch. Olivia leans her head on his shoulder and then he turns and takes a hold of her face looking deep into her eyes.

They both smile and she leans in going for a kiss. It starts off as light pecks and soon they are battling each others tongues. He is soon hovering over her on the couch and starts sucking on her neck knowing he will probably leave a mark. She starts unbuttoning his shirt button by button as things start to heat up. She pulls out his tucked in shirt out from the inside of his pants and tosses it somewhere over her shoulder. Again he attacks her lips with hungry kisses. She slightly opens her mouth and runs her tongue along his bottom lip then gives it a little bite. He breaks the kiss for a brief moment to go back to kissing that part of her neck that he knows she can't resist.

They pause when they hear a loud chiming noise that could have possibly just ruined their hot and heavy moment.

He breaks away from her and they both are out of breath.

" Whoa Liv." Cassidy says wearing a grin as he hovers over body.

They both erupt in laughter and she blushes.

Her phone chimes again reminding her of why they stopped kissing in the first place. Bryan then settles into the seat next to her and she straightens up and pulls the phone out from her pocket

It is a text from Lucy with an attached picture of a sleeping Noah.

[Noah's out like a light. Goodnight see you tomm.]

" Its from my sitter, just let me respond really quick."she smiles down at her phone and types,

[ Night Lucy, thanks for everything. You are the best. Send Noah my love. See you tomm.] she hits send and looks over at Bryan.

"Little dude is out for the night?" Bryan asks

"I have the place to myself tonight so how about we start back off from where we left off." She says with a smirk on her face.

"Are you sure?" he says in a state of disbelief, still not believing that just minutes ago they were hungrily fighting for dominance as they kissed.

" I want this." She pulls her shirt off and kisses Bryan a little bit more sensually than she did before. "Lets take this to the bedroom." She gets up, takes hold of his hand and leads him into the bedroom. She closes the door as they kiss their way over to the bed. He kicks off his shoes and starts to unbutton his pants and slides them down. He makes his way over to Olivia and both of their clothes are gone in a matter of seconds.

**11:42 PM**

" Wow Liv, just wow." He says as he slips out of her and his head hits the pillow.

" You're not so bad yourself there partner" she says laughing.

" I missed this, she says. I'm probably going to be sore in the morning but I missed this."

" You and me both Liv" laughter fills the room. They cuddle closer together and fall asleep in each others arms.

**Saturday morning the next day, March 28 , 6:32 AM**

"Morning" Bryan whispers as he feels her stirring awake

The light escapes from the window hitting the walls and illuminating the room.

Her head lays on his bare chest and she feel his heart beating.

"Good morning, how long have you been watching me sleep?" she chuckles out.

She smiles and he gently kisses her forehead. " Not long." he smiles

"Sorry to kill the mood so early in the morning but about last night...I was so caught up in the moment but you wore a condom right?"

They both look over at each wide eyed.

" Bryan! You wore a condom right? "

He looks over at her. " I think so" he hesitantly responds back.

"What do you mean, you think so? It is either a yes or no?" she says sitting up.

"Well things were happening so fast, but I think I slipped one on. Aren't you on the pill still?"

"No! I'm not on the pill anymore, why do you think that I'm asking?"

"Oh my God."

"What? " she looks at him confused and angry "What happened?"

He holds up the unused condom still in its wrapper.

" I don't think I ever put it on Liv."

Now it's it's her turn to panic.

" Oh my a God!" She immediately starts to get out from the bed and tries to run but before she could do that he grabs her by by the waist.

"What's the big deal Liv, it's not like you are some 20 something year old who-"

She removes herself from his hold " How dare you?" she shouts at him

She gets out from the bed and slips an over-sized T shirt over her head. Then she starts picking up his clothes and throwing it in his face.

"Liv I'm sorry that isn't what I meant. All I'm saying is that we aren't young anymore and if you're worried about being pregnant then you shouldn't be?"

" I shouldn't be because what, you're going to suddenly become father of the year? And you're right I'm not one of your 20 something year old hookers."

"Wow, low blow Liv."

" I'm just it calling like I see it. Who knows what a you could have got rubbing up with one of those girls."

"You know what I'm just going to go."

" Good idea!" She yells

" I'll talk to you later when have had some time to cool off." He starts putting on his clothes that were scattered from the night before and exits the room.

She scoffs at him then sits on the edge of the bed. Trying to keep herself together. Then she hears the front door slam shut.

She decides to hop in the shower before she ends up late to work which would ruin her day even further.

The steam from the hot water fills the room creating a heavy fog and she lets the water beat against her skin.

"What is wrong with me" she thinks to herself. "Things were going so well...and being pregnant with my own child would be nice and Noah would have a sibling, am I even ready for that? Is he? Bryan was right though. I'm probably too old anyways. Having a child at my age, they would probably end up with so many medical complications and I would only end up blaming myself for it. Me? Pregnant? What am I even thinking? Now I feel kind of bad for saying what I said to Bryan, he was just trying to calm me down and I didn't even let him finish a sentence without jumping to all these conclusions. Maybe we jumped into this way too quickly. Maybe? No we did jump into this too quickly...but it just felt right being with him." She turns off the shower and starts to get ready for the day but as she is getting ready a thought that crosses her mind scares her.

She can't remember when she had her last period.


	4. Brothers in Blue

**March 28, 9:03 AM**

Olivia walks into the precinct holding a pregnancy test in a pharmacy bag, talk about _dejavu_. She manages to quickly say good morning to everyone and make her way past everyone's desks. Fin and Nick look up at her from their desks and notices she's seems so worn-out then they share a knowing look together. She sets her her things down in her office, closes the door behind her and draws the blinds. She pulls out the box and starts to read all of the directions and can't believe this is what her life is looking like at this very moment.

_**Back in the Squadroom**_

Nick makes his way over to Fin's desk and then settles into the seat beside him.

He first scans the room for listening ears and then Nick leans over and whispers, "Fin, have you-"

"Look man, I already know what you're gonna say? Give it a rest. Liv has whatever she is going through under control." Fin whispers back.

"But the thing is she doesn't. C'mon Fin, you know she's not gonna outright ask for help."

"She's stubborn like that, but I've known Liv for a while. You know she doesn't want us all up in her business. And I know this isn't about Noah...what are you getting at?"

"Him." Amaro's eyes get overly intense and he starts to rise from his seat.

Fins looks over his shoulder and there is Brian Cassidy making his way over to them.

"Be nice." Fin warns.

"Hey guys, is Liv in yet?" Bryan says wringing his hands.

"What are you doing here?" Amaro says

Fin looks over at Amaro. "Nick, c'mon don't be like that."

Then Fin looks back over at Cassidy "Yea she came in a few minutes ago." looking back over at Nick he says "Why don't you go tell her Cassidy is here."

Amaro then makes his way over to the captain's office leaving Fin in an awkward position.

"Sorry Cassidy, you know how Amaro is." Fin says

"Yea, I know a little to well." Bryan replies shaking his head.

_**Back inside the Captains office**_

Olivia sighs heavily and is about to make her way to the bathroom when she hears someone knock on the door. She then quickly shoves the box into her top drawer.

"Come in." She says and runs her hand over her face.

"Hey Liv, umm Cassidy just came in wanting to talk to you. You up for it or should I send him packing?"

She faintly smiles at him. "I'm a big girl Nick. Send him in."

Nick then leaves her office and Bryan soon enters the room closing the door behind him.

"Hey Liv."

"Hey" she whispers back

"Look we can't keep doing this, this back and forth fighting. Look, what I said earlier, that is not what I meant."

" I know,I know,I know. I guess I'm just a little sensitive when it comes to this topic. I wanted a child for so long, in whatever way possible but time kept on ticking and I wasn't getting any younger so I guess I gave up on that idea of actually being pregnant but... I just.. I-" She rambles out.

" Liv! The whole reason I wanted to be with you again is because I was ready to give you the family that I know that you deserve, in whatever way that was possible."

" I have Noah. Having another child right now would just be crazy anyways... Plus who knows if he or she would end up with some medical problem because I decided to be careless. And our relationship is.. I don't even know the word for what this is anymore." She starts crying.

" Liv come here." She walks over and he gives her a hug. " Look I didn't mean to upset you. We're gonna figure this out and you're not going to be alone anymore, stop trying to find reasons to push me away. Whatever happens I'm here. To be honest, maybe we jumped back into this too fast. How about we meet for lunch? You know start this back up the right way... And I hate to break it you but I'm not going anywhere." he looks over at her at sees her smiling.

"Thanks for sticking with me and my crazy moments. I'm sorry for what I said earlier."

"Its alright, lets just take this one step at a time Liv." He lightly kisses her lips

She holds him a little while longer but then there goes that interrupting knock again. The door swings open and Nick pokes his head in.

"Sorry Sarge, but we caught another case."not sounding to apologetic.

She loosens her hold on Bryan. "It's fine Nick. Send Rollins and Fin. I'll be right out."

Nick gives Cassidy an evil eye as he looks over to Olivia and sees her tear stained face. She gives him a nod letting him know that everything's fine. He nods back at her and heads back out to the squadroom.

She turns her attention back over to Bryan smiling again,"Duty calls Cassidy. I'll see you later."

"Doesn't it always." They both laugh and he kisses her goodbye.

She waits a beat before calling Nick back into her office.

As soon he walks in he immediately says" Don't tell me you're back with that prick again? I'm gonna take a wild guess and say he's the one that sent you those "I'm sorry" flowers." slamming the door shut behind himself.

She holds her hands up at him" Nick it's complicated and while I'm glad you have my back. I can handle this and I want this. No need to play overprotective brother."

"He hurts you...again... or Noah, and I swear he'll be answering to me."

"I think he got the memo from that look you gave him."

"Look I don't trust Cassidy" he sternly says "He is no good for you and-"

"Nick! Stop worrying! And plus, you never trusted him!" she yells back.

"Whatever happen to that man you had a date with a month ago?! Anyone is better than that clown Cassidy!"

Taken off guard and suddenly feeling the need to protect herself she shouts back. "How is this any of your business anyways?!" she yells. "How did you even know that I was with someone? What are stalking me, like you were stalking Maria?"

"I wasn't stalking Maria, that was a misunderstanding! And plus _you _were the one who told me about this so called date. I'm just looking out for you."he says while pacing back and forth.

"Whatever Nick." she scoffs

"Look I just care,why is that so hard to accept?"

"Maybe you should just take all your care and direct it somewhere else! I _don't_ need this! You _don't_ know Bryan!" she grits through her teeth.

" I apparently _don't _know him like you do," he mocks "but I'm pretty sure he doesn't know you as well as he think he does."

" Bryan and I were broken up,its been a year! You need to get over yourself, I don't know...find a new hobby." she shakes her head " You're so worried about Bryan and I but I think you should start worrying about your relationship with your children...and Amanda."

"Liv I-"

"Stop." She waves her hands up at him. "I have enough stress. What? You didn't think I knew about that? C'mon give your sergeant a little more credit than that."

Nick is still standing there speechless.

"I have work to do Nick, so if you don't mind closing the door on your way out." She takes her seat back behind her desk and glares back up at him, "because this conversation is over."

Just then Fin knocks and walks into the tension filled room.

"Sorry to interrupt Liv but I-"

"No, you weren't interrupting Nick was just-"

"I was just leaving." Amaro looks over at her then at Fin and makes his way out of the room.

"What was that all about?" Fin quizzically asks.

"Nothing Fin. Just Nick... being...Nick. So what do you have for me?"

She pushes the thoughts of her maybe pregnancy to the back of her mind and decides she'll deal with it later. Right now her focus has to be here, and on this case. Not on Nick's ego, her scrambled feelings, or on her previous one-night stand. Unfortunately, she was never really good at this confront your problems and sort your feelings out thing anyways.

She was single and allowed to do whatever she wanted.

She internalized her feelings for years but she now knew that she'll soon have to face the music and deal with this sooner rather than later.

She couldn't be selfish anymore. She had to do what was best for her and Noah... and if the universe had its way she may just be responsible for another little person.

_**A/N: No pregnancy results yet for Olivia...until the next chapter, but I would love to know your opinion on the story so far so that I have a feel of what direction to take the story in so...Please Review.**_


	5. It's not Butterflies

**March 28 1:13 PM**

Olivia stood inside of the precinct bathroom hoping nobody would walk in.

She stilled from her pacing and held on to the freshly peed on stick not knowing if she would be happy or sad if a positive sign were to appear.

As she waited the three minutes for the result of the test her mind backtracked to the night that set this all into motion.

**Previously, January 24 7:25 PM**

_It was gloomy, cold and dark all day and the weather kind of resembled her mood. _

_She had just finished wrapping up case notes with Barba and was now impatiently waiting for the elevator. She repeatedly pressed the down button as if it would somehow appear quicker. As she stood waiting her mind couldn't help but wander, she started to reminisce about all her failed relationships. _

_She thought about Elliot. _

_Elliot Stabler. _

_Even though there was no romantic relationship between the two, she thought about he exiled her from his life without even a second thought...She always felt like they were more than partners,you know, friends to say the least. _

_She thought about David Hayden. _

_How he practically chose his career over her. For a while, she tried to convince herself that their relationship was a conflict of interest and that something would break them up sooner or later. She figured their run was good while it lasted. The sad pat was that she was finally falling for someone and had the space opportunity to do so since she wasn't pining over Elliot anymore, but David kind of threw it back in her face. _

_Then of course who could forget Bryan Cassidy._

_How he reentered her life and she became closer to him than any other man in her life. Throughout their relationship she wondered if he was "Mr. Right" or "Mr. Right now" but she didn't want to put that kind of pressure on their relationship. They essentially wanted different things but at the end of the day she loved him and always would._

_Just as she was deep in thought about Cassidy the elevator doors opened and there he stood._

_She couldn't help but blush and her heart almost skipped a beat. What was he doing here? _

"_Liv?" he asks wide eyed._

"_Bryan?" she stutters out._

"_Long time,no see."he smiled_

"_Yea." she says, nodding her head as her thoughts are going a mile a minute._

_Of all people it had to be Bryan. He had to be the one to be in this elevator right now, right at this minute._

"_What are you doing here?" she questioned_

"_Hello to you too." he laughed._

_Smiling looking over at him "Sorry. I just didn't expect to see you."_

"_Me either. I'm just here wrapping up some stuff for a case."_

"_Same." _

"_You look good."he smirked_

"_I would say the same, but you look like you haven't slept in weeks." she teased as she returned the smirk to him._

"_Gee thanks." he laughed_

"_Anytime." she smiled and nervously scratched over her brow._

"_This doesn't have to be awkward you know...umm you free to get a drink? You know... for old times sake..."_

_The elevator dinged finally reaching the ground floor. _

"_Finally" she thought and then took a deep breath in and then slowly exhaled._

_Now to walk down the very long corridor and down the many steps._

"_I don't know..." she says stepping off the elevator with him trailing behind her._

"_How about my place then? I don't live too far from here...Just one drink."he pleads_

"_Fine... Just one." She smiles and makes her way over to a small corner. _

"_Let me just call and fill in Amaro on the case really quick."_

_She moves off to the side to make the quick call._

_*Phone rings*_

"_Hey Liv, how did it go with Barba?"_

"_He said that the case seems air tight and by the time he's done with that scum on the stand, the jury will be back in an hour." she laughs_

"_One other thing... I'm not heading back to the precinct, so... tell everyone that I said to take the night off. I just figured that since I plan on enjoying my night , so should they."_

"_That sounds like code for "I have a date"." he laughs_

"_One, its not a date and two, it was unexpected plans. I thought I was going to be working late"_

"_Ok, sure..." laughing again_

" _Lucy has Noah for three more hours, I called her and he's already sleeping. Might as well make the most out of it. Right?"_

"_I'm just teasing, Have fun Liv, you deserve it."_

"_Thanks, have a goodnight."_

_She hangs up the phone and walks back over to Cassidy._

"_All set?" Bryan says looking up at her._

"_Yeah lets go before I change my mind."_

_They both leave the courthouse walking side by side smiling in comfortable silence. _

_As they make their way out its pouring outside so they run their way over to Cassidy's place and continue on with the playful banter as if nothing has changed._

_When they arrive at his place soaking wet they cant stop laughing like two idiot teenagers as Cassidy unlocks his door and they both make their way inside._

"_I had no clue it was going to rain like that." she laughs_

"_Me either, let me go get you some dry clothes to change into."_

_He heads towards the bedroom as she starts undressing , taking off her coat and shoes. _

_Bryan makes his way back into his living room holding a T-shirt and sweats for Liv while she catches him staring at her as she is dressed in nothing but her bra and a pair of very wet slacks that clings to her every curve._

"_What? Nothing you haven't seen before"she laughs_

"_Sorry. I just..."he stutters out._

_She walks over to him and places her arms around his neck giving him the kiss she knows he was wishing for all night._

"_Let's not talk ok." she smirks_

"_Ok. Whatever you want." he looks back into her eyes and kisses her again with more aggression._

_They make their way over to the couch and in no time are hungrily undressing each other. _

_One thing led to another and now she laid underneath him naked with his unclothed body hovering over her. _

_She pecked him on his lips as she slips out of his hold_

"_This was great, but honestly but I have to go." she sits up and suddenly feels extremely self conscious_

"_Already?"_

"_Yea,I have an early day tomorrow. Mind if I borrow your sweats still?" She says picking up her underwear and sliding back into them _

"_No, its fine." he says as he searches for his boxers._

_She starts dressing very quickly and is already putting on her shoes._

"_I can walk you down, call you a cab?" Cassidy pleads_

"_That won't be necessary." she slips on her coat and makes her way to the couch giving him one last kiss goodbye._

_She turns around right as she has her hand on the knob ready to leave, "I just want you to know that I still care for you...always...but that doesn't change things between us. Thank you... for tonight. Take Care."_

_He sits there speechless as the door closes behind her._

**Present Day**

Olivia's phone alarm goes off indicating that the three minutes were up. She looked down at the results and didn't know what to feel. Happy? Sad? Or Grateful? Either way she was crying again.

Just then Amanda Rollins walked in.

"Hey Liv-"

Olivia looks up and immediately shoves the test into her pocket and wiping her tears away just as quickly as they had shed, but its too late.

Too late since Amanda already saw the tears and of course already saw the pregnancy test.

Her phone chimes but her and Amanda are awkwardly staring at each other wondering who will be the first to speak up.

Liv breaks the eye contact to look at her phone and sees that she has a text from Bryan reminding her that they made lunch plans.

"Liv, you ok?" Amanda hesitantly asks

"I'm fine." She sniffles. "Just tell the guys I'll be back soon, I'm...I'm...going out for lunch... And Amanda?"

"Yea Sarge?' she hesitantly asks again  
Olivia leans in closer and says just above a whisper "You saw nothing."

"No worries. Copy that." Amanda puts her head down and makes her way over to the bathroom stall while Liv makes a beeline for the door.

**1:32 PM**

She sits inside of the Chinese Restaurant across the street from the precinct waiting for Cassidy.

She knows that this is not going to be an easy conversation to have.

He approaches her table leans down and gives her a kiss on her cheek.

"Hey Liv."

"Hi." she says while avoiding eye contact.

"What's wrong Liv?" he says immediately sensing her mood.

"I have something to tell you."

"What is it?" he says while sitting down.

"Remember that night when we bumped into each at the courthouse?"

"Yea...and then you ended up at my place...and then how one thing led to another...what are getting at?"

"Well Bryan I'm..."

"You're what? C 'mon spit it out Liv."

"I'm pregnant."

_**A/N: Well next chapter will be Bryan's reaction and much more. (Funny thing is I haven't noticed till now that I spelled his name with a "Y" and not an "I" but whatever lol) Also I'm a full time college student who also works, so chapters may not be up as frequent as you may want to read them or as frequent as I would like to post them, but I'll try to have a new chapter at least once a week. And... Review!Review! Review!**_


	6. He Knows, She Knows

**March 28 1:32 PM (continued)**

" You're what?!" Bryan asks louder than intended

"Keep your voice down." she puts back at him as they are getting eyed by a few patrons.

"Sorry. Did you just say you're...you're.." he says a little quieter.

"Pregnant. You can say it, its not a disease." she rolls her eyes and pulls her coat a little tighter around her.

"I'm just...just trying to wrap my head around this Liv."

"I know, it was just a home test though. I'm scheduling a doctors appointment...but I already know what they're gonna say."

"So you're saying that you're not sure?"  
She squints her eyes at him as her eyebrows furrow with anger. "What I'm saying is, is that I know my body and I just want to be completely sure."

"You said that the last time though..."

"And you're reaction is the same as last time too..."

"No its not." he shakes his head no "We weren't .. I wasn't..."

She interrupts him " Last time when I thought I was pregnant you pretended to be all happy and when I told you I wasn't you were so relieved. Now you are wishing that it was a false positive."

"Stop jumping to conclusions Liv. Its just a lot to take in. The actual fact that I'm going to be a father is just...a lot."

"And what do you think it is for me huh?"

"You already have Noah."

"So what? That is completely different and you know it."

"I know, I'm just saying that you already have the experience of being a mother and I don't have any experience at all. I can't even remember when was the last time I changed a diaper." he sighs out

" Bryan, it's going to be a big step for the both of us. I'm scared too ok." She reaches out to hold his hand.

"And if you meant what you said about having a family with me...then it just happened a little sooner than the both of us expected."

He looks up and smiles at her. "I meant what I said Liv."

"Good. Then we can be scared...together." She gives his hand a little squeeze.

"And Bryan.."

"Yea Liv?"

"Lets order something... because I'm starving."

They both erupt in laughter breaking through some of the tension.

**Back at the Precinct**

Amanda is standing mixing her sugar into her coffee and can't stop thinking about her little encounter with Benson a few minutes earlier.

"Wow. Is Liv really pregnant? Couldn't really see the results.. but that definitely was a pregnancy test in her hands, I'm sure of it. She just stood there crying...I can't even tell anyone about this, not even sure if I should mention it to her again. Way too awkward...I knew something was up with her but... another baby...I didn't even know she was seeing anyone.. Wow."

Amaro brushes past her Amanda jarring from her thoughts.

He then walks over to the fridge and pulls out an energy drink and takes a long swig as he walks back past her he whispers "Meet me in the cribs in five." with that being said he makes his way upstairs with Rollins not to long following behind him.

**Up in the Cribs**

Amanda walks in closing the door behind her leaning against the door while Amaro is sitting across from her on an empty bed.

"Why did you call me up here Nick?" she sighs

"Liv knows."

"Liv knows what?" immediately responding back

"She knows about us."  
"What?... How?...When?!" Amanda gets really jittery and now can't stop pacing.

"I don't know. I think she knew for a while." he put back to her.

"How do you knows she knows though?"

"Well that ass Cassidy came here and Liv and I got into an argument and-"

"Cassidy?!"

"Yea Cassidy, why is that so surprising?"

"Its not... its just.. I thought they had broken up like a year ago." she says trying to temper her response while she is slowly putting the pieces together.

"Yea they did breakup but somehow he wormed his way back into her life and I think they are back together now." he gets up from his position on the bed and now he's the one pacing.

"You know that prick didn't even have the decency to come check up on her when Lewis got her that second time. What does she see in him anyway? That man has been with a hooker for crying out loud!"

Amanda walks over to him and places her hand against his chest. " Nick. Relax."

"Sorry. Its just...it's just... Liv has been through a lot. She doesn't need this. She's my partner, and I'm always going to protect her...even from him."

"I know you're protective of her...but Nick we all have skeletons in our closet and we all wish to go home to somebody at night. Just back off a little, you know. Liv is pretty independent. You don't want to push too hard and be so overprotective that she starts hating you for it."

"True." he says while sitting back onto the bed while stands right above him.

"Just wait it out. She seems to be going through something right now and she needs to be able to come to someone and be able to talk about and you want that person to be you so just be...be patient."

"Thanks"he looks up at her smiling and pulls her closer.

"You're welcome." she smiles back

He pulls her down onto the bed and gives her a quick peck on the lips.

"Not here Nick" she says pulling away.

"Liv already knows whats the harm."

"That's not a good thing" she laughs " And I want to stay on her good side."

Just then there is a knock on the door, Amanda and Nick immediately separate and Fin walks in.

"Liv is back from her lunch, I would get downstairs if I were you two."  
" Yea, we'll be right down Fin." Amanda says

Fin nods his head and walks out the room heading downstairs.

"We better get back down Nick."

"You go ahead down. And Amanda?"

"Yeah?"

"We still on for tonight?"

"Hmmmm. Maybe we should postpone it for a later time, lay low."

Nick starts nodding his head in agreement

"You said you had an argument with Liv, right? "

"Yeah, so?"

"So maybe you should smooth things out with her first."

"Yeah..maybe I'll do that, give Noah a visit."

"Liv is gonna be fine alright. Don't stay up here too long thinking about it,I'll see you in the squad room in a few."

"Thanks again Amanda."

"Anytime."

Amanda makes her way down the stairs and starts her thinking about what Nick had told her." So now Liv knows about Nick and I and I barely just got her to trust me again and on top of that Nick is having arguments with her about Cassidy who very well maybe the man she may be pregnant for. This is too much. I would let Nick know but that is not my place. All I can do is push him to talk to Liv and to get him to stop being so judgmental about Cassidy cuz it looks like he's not going anywhere anytime soon."


	7. Clearing the Air

**March 28 7:07 PM**

After a long day at work and trying to come to the realization of being pregnant, Olivia sat down playing with Noah and his blocks. She was happy to be able to have the chance to nurture a life from the very beginning, to be able to give selfless love and to have the opportunity to be the mother to yet another person. Noah was a handful but he brought a joy to her life like no other. She couldn't help but have a nervousness around the fact that she would be raising two kids at her age, but that was her reality. She had Bryan to help out now but couldn't help but to question where their relationship really stood,he didn't even meet Noah yet. She was aware at the fact they loved each other but Bryan and kids was something that you rarely ever put in the same sentence. She wondered if he was truly happy and open to accepting and raising not one, but two children. She knew that Noah was not his issue but she hoped that he knew that Noah, her and their unborn child would be a deal package. She had just gotten into the groove of juggling being a single mother and being head of the squad and then Bryan reentered her life and threw everything off its track. Olivia hoped she wouldn't regret her decision of allowing him to reenter her life.

She looked into the eyes of Noah and was amazed at how much love you can have for another human being, questioning how her mother couldn't love her the same but yet understood her struggle. She loved to watch Noah for he had such an eagerness and wonder for the world and she couldn't wait to help nurture him into being all that he can be and to nurture the new life that was growing inside of her.

"Mama would love to play more with you Noah, but its time for dinner." She said as she got up from the floor and put him in the high chair.

"What do you want? Does Mac and cheese sound good?"

Noah smiled up at Olivia "Chee!" he babbled back at her.

"Yes, cheese." she laughed

As Olivia walked on over to the stove to dish out Noah's food there was a knock at her door.

"Who could that be interrupting dinner time Noah?" She said as she walked over to the door and looked through the peephole.

Olivia opened the door and in an instant her mood changed. "Nick.."

"Hey Liv...mind if I come in?"

She opened the door wider for him and walked back over to the kitchen to continue attending to Noah's needs.

"How's little man doing?" he said trying to ease into a conversation with her.

"Noah is fine, but I rather you stop beating around the bush and just say what you have to say." Olivia then paused realizing how harsh she sounded then looked over at him.

"Sorry." She breathed out, "It's just been a confusing couple of days for me... I've actually been doing a lot of apologizing lately..." she rambled.

"Liv I-"

"Actually do you mind if we talk after I put him in bed?"

"No that's fine... I'll just help you clean up." He said offering a half baked smile.

She offered Nick a half baked smile in return knowing that they would have to talk about the words they exchanged earlier in her office.

Nick started picking up the toys clearing the floor but couldn't help but to look over his shoulder and smile as Liv was feeding Noah and how she was making airplane and train noises to encourage the little boy to eat. He knew something was a little off with her and he just knew Cassidy had something to do with it. Nick wondered how could he relay his concern without sounding so judgmental and yet have her know that she can come to him with anything.

Oliva was done feeding Noah and Nick walked over to her.

"Noah say buh-bye to Uncle Nick" she said passing him over to Amaro while she wiped his face clean.

Noah babbled a few incoherent words while Olivia took him back and said "Just give me a couple of minutes to give him his bath and get him settled down,the remote is on top of the coffee table."

Olivia leaves the room carrying Noah on her hip and turns into the bedroom while Nick starts to pace back and forth wondering how to even talk to Olivia and get everything off his chest.

**8:12 PM**

Olivia exits the bedroom after she got Noah to sleep and closes the door behind her. She goes over to the kitchen and wants to so badly to grab a glass of wine and unwind but consciously grabs a bottle of water from the fridge and settles into a corner on the couch.

"So Nick...about earlier..." She says while looking down at the water and nervously peeling off the paper.

" Yeah, Liv I'm sorry about that." he takes a seat next to her and stares at the blank television screen.

" No, No I'm sorry too, I shouldn't have brought that stuff up with Maria, or throw in your face that I knew about you and Rollins and just-"

"Liv I know I can get really overprotective sometimes, it's just that I care."

" I know that you care and I know I sounded pretty ungrateful before but I'm thankful for that...it's just you always hated Bryan from day one. You and the squad, are my family, no matter what. You're the only family I've had and known for so long but I'm just trying to establish a life outside of that. I knew about you and Rollins for a while. I had an incline about it but didn't want to really say anything unless it got in the way of things. Someone in our squad deserves to be happy."

" Stop Liv. I know Amanda and I were wrong for getting together and I'm sorry for not disclosing but we aren't even sure what our relationship is."

"Yeah, I understand that a little to well." She sadly laughs

"I just came over here to clear the air and see how you're doing. You seem kinda..."

"Kinda what?"

" I don't know...scattered."

" I seem scattered?" She scoffs

"Yeah and I can't help but think it has something to do with Cassidy."

" Nick." She rolls her eyes and sighs " Again I am thankful that you have my back but honestly Bryan and my relationship is none of your business. Yes things are a little complicated right now with us... but when I'm willing to share that information with you I will. I'm just not ready to tell you right now."

" I can accept that answer. It's your life Liv, I just don't want you to forget that you don't have to face your problems alone."

"Well it is what I'm used to, but I hear you Nick."

"No don't say that...And you know Rollins isn't so bad. I know she had the whole gambling incident but she was the one who encouraged me to come talk to you tonight?"

"Really?"vs he says a little stunned

"Yeah she said just be open to listening to you and...to stop being so judgmental about Cassidy." He laughs

"Hmm remind to thank her... She say anything else?" She asks hoping that Rollins didn't mention to Amaro about their little run in in the bathroom.

"No, not really...was she supposed to?" He laughs again

"No...no." She tries to laugh back

She shifts uncomfortably on the couch

"You ok Liv?"

"Just a little queasy since lunch." She says while holding her hand to her face.

"Here,drink some of your water." Amaro says as then hands her the bottle she was previously fidgeting with. She takes a couple of sips and screws back on the cap.

" Did the water help a little."

"Yeah... sorta. I guess that Chinese I got for lunch wasn't that good after all." she lies

"I'm gonna go alright, you go get some rest... And Liv?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for hearing me out...See you tomorrow?"

"Yeah I will probably feel better then, night Nick..Thanks again."

"Feel better Liv."

They both walk over to the door and as soon as she closes the door behind him she runs to the bathroom and empties all of the contents in her stomach and is now dry heaving with her head over the toilet bowl. She flushes the toilet and gives it a quick clean. She walks over to the sink giving her mouth a few rinses and just decides that she might as well brush them and try to get some sleep. She changes into her pajamas and washes the days makeup off. She stares at her reflection in the mirror and can't believe how drained she looks and knows that she has a long couple months ahead of her.

**9:23 PM**

Olivia checks on Noah really quick then crawls into bed knowing she has an early morning. She pulls the cover over herself she lays there thinking "If Nick thought something was up before, he definitely knows now. I don't want Rollins carrying this secret with her for too long so I'm going to have to talk to her...soon. At least Bryan knows about this baby and he seems to be committed. I just have to remember to take things one step at a time."

Just before she closes her eyes to sleep her phone chimes with a text.

She reaches over to the night stand and sees that it is a text from Bryan.

[ I can't wait to embark on this journey of parenthood with you. Honestly I really am excited about this baby. I know I don't say much but I'm here for the long run, I'm not going anywhere.]

Olivia cant help but to smile and replies back.

[ I wish you were this lovey dovey with me all the time. This baby would have been baking in the oven a long time ago lol.]

[ haha very funny Liv ]

[ I'm just teasing ]

[Either way you cant resist my good looks Liv ]

[ And this baby is already making me sick :( ]

[ How about tomorrow I pick you up from work and treat you? Ya know, bring over your favorite soup from that cafe, give you a sensual massage with that weird exotic oil you love ;) ]

[ Thats sounds perfect but don't have you're heart set out on getting lucky lol]

[ Every minute I spend with you I feel incredibly lucky]

[ You really are laying it on thick lol]

[ Just letting you know I'm not going anywhere]

[ Good cuz I wasn't going to let you, but I have an early morning so I'm gonna catch some sleep]

[ Sweet dreams Liv, I love you babe.]

[ Love you too, sleep tight]

And with those last messages received she smiled off into dreamland thinking and hoping that things would be looking up from here.

And that maybe just maybe her luck just might changing.

_**A/N:Wow, well that was a longgggg day. Benson still has to talk to Rollins in the next chapter and I think that its time that Bryan finally met Noah, right?**_

_**I want your feedback so please review, review,review!**_

_**Tell me what you like, what you wanna see happening, whats working.. Anything!**_

_**Thanks to my previous reviewers and followers and most of all thanks for reading!**_


	8. Brighter Days

**Sunday, March 29 12:03 PM**

In the morning Olivia's stomach felt kind of queasy but she got a grip on herself, had some tea and tried swallowing down some crackers for breakfast, she even managed to make an appointment with her doctor so she can see where she stood with this pregnancy and what the months ahead would entail for her.

Olivia started to gather her things from her desk, getting ready to head home for the day. She only came in to the office to tie up some loose ends on a case and was determined to get back to Noah. All morning she was anticipating the moment that Bryan would come to pick her up from work. This was a big step for them today since Bryan was going to be meeting Noah for the first time. She almost felt like this was a test for their relationship or even a little trial run for Bryan.

Just as she was clearing her desk Rollins was lingering in her doorway.

"Liv, you got a minute?" Amanda nervously asked

"Yea, whats up?" she said matching in nervousness.

Amanda walks into the office, closes the door behind her, and sits across from Olivia.

"Look...I...uh...I know that you know about Nick and I and...I uh... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to...We didn't mean for it to really happen, you know."

"Slow down Amanda." Olivia sighs "Look I've been down this road before. Trust me when I say if I felt that you and Nick we compromising cases I would have brought disciplinary action on both of you. I'm just a little disappointed that's all."

"I'm just mostly mad at myself since I've been working so hard for you to trust me again."

"Amanda, If I didn't think you were a good detective would I leave you to teach dear Carisi the ropes?" she smirks

"And here I thought that was some sort of punishment because you didn't like me." Amanda laughs.

"Well somebody had to teach him and I don't think giving that job to Amaro or Fin was in anyone's best interest." Olivia says between their laughs

"True." Amanda nods. "Yea...so I told Nick we should cool it for now... you know. We don't need anyone having a microscope on SVU because of us."

"No we do not. I already have Dodds breathing down my neck, We don't need any hiccups."

Amanda nods her head and there is an awkward pause between the both of them.

"Anything else? I can see your mind working there."

"Sorry...yea...it's just the other day when umm you-"

"When I what?" she says hoping Rollins would feel a bit intimidated and drop the next subject she's about to bring up.

"When I saw you in the bathroom...crying... and holding a pregnancy test..."

Olivia almost at a loss for words shifts uncomfortably in her seat not providing an answer right away.

"Liv...its just if you-"

"Stop whatever you're about to say because I need you to listen." Olivia rises from her seat and comes around to lean on the front side of her desk so that she is closer to Amanda's seat.

"Whatever I'm about to say to you does not get repeated, understand."

Amanda nods her head yes.

Liv lets out a long sigh and begins to speak "I'm sorry that you had to see me like that. That you walked in on me having a semi meltdown. Usually I have it under control... Anyways when you walked in I had just found out that I'm... I'm uhh...pregnant."

"Congratulations Liv." Rollins says trying to lighten the mood.

"Thanks." she said giving a brief smile "but that is besides the point. At my age I already know that this is going to be pretty high risk so I don't need anyone knowing or finding out until I'm at least out of my first trimester. I don't want to have to ask you to keep this a secret and I honestly even hate that you know...no offense..."

" None taken...Liv, I understand completely. This is your business and your secret is safe with me. You should have the luxury to tell whoever this news to whenever you want."

"Thanks Amanda...and thanks for not telling Nick or Fin." she says still looking down.

" Well I'm guessing Cassidy is the father and well you know... Nick is not his biggest fan."

" Nope not at all." she sadly agrees.

"Telling Nick would have just caused unneeded chaos and you don't need that. Also this is something that Fin and Nick need to hear from you, not me."

"Yea..."

"You deserve to be happy...don't let anyone get in the way of that."

"I hear ya. And Amanda...thanks again."

Amanda smiles over at Liv then rises to leave the room. On her way out of the door bumps into Cassidy as he was making his way in.

"Hey Cassidy." she awkwardly says

" Hey Rollins, sorry did the door hit you?"

" No, no I'm good." she rambles out.

"Alright, see you." Bryan replies back

Amanda says another awkward goodbye then closes the door behind her.

"What's up with her?"

" Don't worry about that. She drinks too much coffee anyways.."

Cassidy still looking confused says " That seemed to be a little more than coffee babe." he laughs

"Maybe so...but..I'll tell you later, lets just get out out of here."she says smiling and leaning forward to give him a peck on the lips.

**Playground Near Benson Residence 1:15 PM**

Olivia sits on a nearby park bench watching as Bryan pushes Noah in the swing. She snaps a few candid shots of the two just taking in the moment. She walks on over to the pair to share the happy moment reaching her hand out to take a picture of the three of them to add to her collection.

"How are my boys doing?"

"Great. This boy loves the swing Liv." Bryan responds rather enthusiastically.

"Yes he does, oh yes he does." she says using a baby voice while tickling Noah. "Is my little boy ready to go home for some lunch huh? You hungry?"

She pulls Noah out from the swing cuddling into him placing a kiss on his temple. Bryan stares at her in awe.

"What?" she sheepishly asks.

"Nothing, nothing. You just look so happy. You're a natural at this thing."

"I am happy" she says reaching for his hand while Noah rests on her hip " And overtime... I learned...and so will you."

Bryan nods his head taking her words in then nervously asks "Mind if I hold him?"

"Not at all." she says while passing Noah over to Bryan.

She loves how they are intrigued and fascinated with each other and she loves how bright her future is looking already.

Noah snuggles into Bryan as they walk hand in hand back to her apartment

Olivia just can't believe how picture perfect her life has become, she just hope it lasts.

**A/N: It's like pulling a leg to get feedback but it inspires me to write more or to have me feel that people are even still interested in the story. Also I am in college and I have finals coming up so I might be a little MIA when it comes to updates but nonetheless REVIEWS are highly appreciated! **

**Beware that the next chapter might be M rated so let me know you're opinion on that approach to the story.**


	9. I Kinda Like You

**A/N: Finals are over,and the semester is done! Here is a new chapter for you guys to read. This chapter is rated M so if you're not comfortable with that just skip ahead to the next chapter, you won't be missing out on any big details. I'm a little nervous about this chapter but anyways, Don't forget to review!**

**March 29, 7:47 PM**

Olivia had put Noah down to sleep a few minutes ago and Bryan and her laid down relaxing on the bed underneath the covers.

"Noah really likes you, you know."

"The feeling is mutual." he said smiling down at her.

Olivia then scooted closer to him on the bed. He had his hands wrapped around her body while she snuggled closer onto his chest.

"And I kinda really like you too." she said as her hands played with the hem of his shirt while one of her legs were draped across his body.

"Just kinda?" he asked pretending to be fake hurt by the statement.

She playfully hit him and swung her way over his body straddling him.

"Hmm I don't know." she smirked and then pulled his shirt off leaving him bare chested.

She tilted her head looked him over and laughed "Yea just kinda, not much going on here."she laughing again.

He broke out in laughter too then she brought her lips down to his.

Their lips met and she let the kiss linger briefly before they broke out into a full passionate kiss. His tongue traced the shape of her lips and she granted his tongue entrance into her mouth resulting in their tongues batting for dominance, then she playfully pulled away biting on his lower lip.

"Still just kinda like me?" He breathed out.

"I don't know that the best you got?"

She pulled her t-shirt off, over her head, exposing her black lace bra.

With her still straddling him underneath the covers he took his hands and placed each one of them on her lace covered breasts. He slipped his hands around her back unhooking the clasped bra and she let the bra fall off her shoulders.

Suddenly he flipped their positions so that he was on top over her.

"Like what you see?" she said smirking laying underneath his gaze.

"More than like" he said as he moved his hands, massaging both breasts. He moved his mouth down to the right breast and sucked on her nipple while he took his two fingers and played with the left breast, then he switched, giving the same attention to the other.

Olivia couldn't help but moan at the attention he was giving her.

Bryan kissed his way down to her stomach and then back up to her lips.

"I think we're a little overdressed."

Bryan raised his body up and shed his pants and boxers off in one swift motion.

He crawled back over to Olivia while she sat up resting on her elbows letting Bryan take control.

"Now you're the one wearing too many clothes."he said as he pulled her shorts off leaving her in her matching lace underwear .

He hovered back over her body and slowly but gently pulled the lace down and away from her.

"You're such a tease." She said letting her head hit the pillow, both of them now above the sheets completely naked.

He kissed up and down her thighs and then took two of his fingers and pumped it in and out of her sex, repeatedly.

Her mouth opened and she let out soft moans.

" Hows that for being a tease, you like that?"

Her toes curled and she gripped onto the sheets.

He continued the motions until he felt her walls contracting around his fingers.

"Oh my goodness Bryan" she moaned over and over in ecstasy while she climaxed.

She opened her eyes as he skillfully slipped his fingers out of her.

Bryan then licked her juices from between her legs and off from his fingers while her body worked to come down from its high.

"I love the way you taste" he said leaning down into her, kissing her neck, making sure to leave a mark.

She reached down and took hold of his erected manhood, moving her hands up and down his shaft.

"Someone seems ready for me?" She said pulling him into a heated kiss.

They break apart from the kiss and she opens her legs wider and says "I want to feel you inside of me."

He enters her body and gives her a second to adjust to his large size.

"Oh so tight." He moans

Bryan then starts moving in and out of her slowly. Pumping in and out trying to find a rhythm.

"Faster Bry." She whimpers out, saying the words he wanted to hear.

He picks up the pace and he rubs his hands up and down her thigh then wrapping it around her ass giving it a firm squeeze. The bed moves in sync with their thrusts. He takes his finger again putting it in between them and rubs her sex.

Her legs are up in the air. Her knees are bent, and her toes curl as she rides out orgasm number two, but he hasn't climaxed yet.

She decides she wants to take control and flips them over with her now on top. She places her hand on either side of his legs while she hops up and down on him feeling his rather large member slam up in her producing a smacking sound every time their hips collide.

Her breasts bounce up and down with every move. Bryan reaches his hands up twirling her nipples between his fingertips. She slows a bit and briefly just sits on him just grinding and riding his member.

"You have an obsession with my boobs" she manages to laugh out.

"I love them Liv, I'm a boob man...and an ass man, but you already knew that though."

He smirks and moves his hand down to her thighs rubbing them generously.

"Shut-up" she laughs continuing her grinds on his member.

Olivia continues her grinds for another minute and can tell Bryan is right on the edge.

"It's alright babe, let go for me."

"I'm gonna cum Liv." he says as he is grunting and panting.

"Go ahead, let go." Bryan then spills his semen inside of her feeling completely satisfied.

Olivia grinds on him a few more times, then they both still their movements and are out of breath.

He goes to pull out from her but she stops him. "Just wait, I want to feel you in me just a little bit longer." She pants out.

She collapses on top of him and then they are both are lying down trying to calm their irregular heart beats.

They lay underneath the covers and Bryan caresses her, placing soft kisses on her shoulder and neck. He decides to part from her and she slowly exhales as his member is out of her sex. He rubs his hand up and down her naked body and rests his hand on her abdomen where their unborn child grows.

She turns and faces him. "That was probably the best sex I ever had in a very, very, , long time."

"So does that mean you more than kinda like me now ?" He smirks

"Hmm well, I don't know" She laughs then places a sensual kiss on his lips lingering for a moment, then slowly pulls away.

He stares into her eyes and says "Well that was the best sex I ever had and I more than kind of like you...I'm in love with you, every part of you."

She smiles into his eyes wondering where this version of Bryan Cassidy has been all of these years.

"And every part of me loves you right back." she says giving him a kiss.

They cuddle into each other, and Olivia falls in love with the moment.

And she can't wait to fall in love with every upcoming moment on the journey that they're about to embark on...together.

She holds onto to him thinking she can very well get used to this.


	10. Check-Up

**Saturday April 4, 9:27 AM**

Olivia impatiently sits at the OBGYN office waiting for them to call her name.

She repeatedly shakes her foot up and down due to the fact that she is nervous but also because Bryan said he would be here and hasn't arrived yet. She sent him a few text messages and tried calling, but his phone went to voice mail. And Bryan being Bryan didn't empty out his mailbox so there is no room for her to leave a message.

"Benson?" a nurse calls out.

Olivia rises to walk over to the nurse.

Bryan unbelievably has impeccable timing and just arrived rushing towards her.

"Where were you?" Olivia grits through her teeth.

As he opens his mouth to respond she shushes him " You know what, never mind, we'll talk later."

Olivia angrily walks ahead of him following the nurse with him trailing behind them.

As they get into the room the nurse weighs Olivia and takes her height and blood pressure.

"I already sent your urine sample to the lab so just change out of your pants and wait on these stirrups, Dr. Palmer will here shortly with your results and to give you an exam."

"Thank you." Olivia responds back.

The nurse then smiles and exits the room leaving Olivia and Bryan alone to wait on the doctor.

There is an uncomfortable silence between the two.

"I'm sorry Liv."

"I've heard that before." she scoffs

"I really am sorry. Listen I woke up late because Tucker had me on this case and I didn't get home till late. My phone is dead and I was going to charge it in the car on my way here but it wouldn't start, so I just opted for the subway."

"So this is Tucker's fault? It's always the same excuse every time."

"No I'm not blaming anyone here. Don't act like you're job hasn't held you back from getting somewhere in time or even showing up to something I planned."

"I'm not acting like anything, this is important."

"I know it is. That is why I'm here...Listen I don't want to argue with you."

"Then don't."

The room is now filled with tension and just then there is knock on the door and Dr. Palmer walks in.

"Hello Olivia, how are we doing today?"

"Nervous." She laughs out.

"Well that is understandable. I have some news for you, you're pregnancy results came back positive, Congratulations Olivia."

"Thank you, and oh sorry this is Bryan, my...the um..father."

"Well nice to meet you, Congratulations to you too Bryan."

"Thanks Doc." he nods

"Well Olivia as you know I'm not one to sugarcoat things but because of your age this is going to be a high risk pregnancy."

"Yes, I understand." she says as her smile fades away.

"Some of the risks include Gestational diabetes, pre- eclampsia, high blood pressure, placenta praevia and placental abruption. Your child is also at risk at having chromosomal problems such as down-syndrome. And the most fatal would be this resulting in a miscarriage."

Olivia lets out a huge sigh and Bryan walks over to her to hold her hand.

"I'm sorry if I'm scaring you two, but I like my patients to be informed and aware so that they have the opportunity to make the best decisions for themselves and for their family, so that they are well equipped to consider all options. Any questions so far?"

"Umm But there is a chance that our child can be completely healthy and that Olivia has a normal pregnancy...right?

" Yes absolutely." the doctor says responding back to Bryan.

"Olivia, you can have an amniocentesis done or we can do a chorionic villus sampling to check for any abnormalities but we'll cross that bridge when we get there. Right now I'm going to do a trans vaginal sonogram to see how far along you are and to see if everything is coming along nicely. So I'm going to need you to lie back, you might feel some light pressure, Bryan will you get the lights please."

Bryan squeezes Olivia's hand for assurance then walks over to the lights then quickly returns back to her side.

Dr, Palmer maneuvers the probe until she finds the picture of what shes looking for." Good news, everything seems to be in order. That right there would be your baby Olivia, and that flutter is your baby's heart beating." The doctor says pointing at the screen.

Olivia eyes start to water and she looks over at Bryan giving his hand a squeeze.

"I would say that fetus is at approaching the 9 week mark. Putting your due date at around October 24th. Also I want to start you on pre-natal vitamins as soon as possible."

Olivia wipes a tear away. "Yeah, yeah of course. Anything to keep this baby healthy."

" I'll print you out some sonogram pictures for you and your loved ones." The doctor replies then flicks on the lights while Olivia sits up.

" Here are your sonogram pictures." Dr. Palmer says handing it to Bryan while handing something to Olivia to clean herself off with.

"Also here are some pamphlets for you two." she says handing them a stack of papers.

"You're all set to go.. and I know you have crazy work hours Olivia but I want to see you back here in 2 weeks. Call me if you have any questions between now and then."

"Yes, I'll be here...Umm Bryan do you mind getting the car around while I get dressed." She says handing him the keys from her bag.

"Uhh...um yea Liv, I'll meet you at front...Thanks again Doctor."

Bryan leaves the room and closes the door behind him.

"Before you go Dr. Palmer, there are some things I wanted to talk to you about without Bryan around."

"I understand. What's your question Olivia?"

" Well I wanted to ask you about my alcohol consumption. Before I took a home pregnancy test or even had a thought of me being pregnant I was drinking a few glasses of wine on the regular... I just don't want this pregnancy to end in a miscarriage like before. It would kill me to know that I lost a second child or my child ends up having Fetal Alcohol Syndrome because of my reckless behavior." Tears are running down her face and she wipes them away as fast as they fall.

"Olivia as long as you stop drinking now, you're baby can be completely healthy. Every pregnancy is different. Some women drink throughout the whole nine months and have a healthy child with no abnormalities." Dr. Palmer rests her hand on Olivia's shoulder ,"Listen, I want you to enjoy this pregnancy Olivia. You can't keep blaming yourself. Women can suffer through a miscarriage and go on to have healthy pregnancies after that. I need you to take it easy though, relax, don't stress yourself out, we don't need you having high blood pressure. I know you wanted a child for very long time and at one point we even discussed other options for you to make this happen. So I need you to believe that this is happening and that you will make it through this, ok?"

"Ok." she says letting out a sigh of relief but then tenses back up again "...And Bryan doesn't know about the whole miscarriage thing so..."

"No need to explain, I won't disclose anything without your permission. See you in two weeks Olivia."

"Thank you, see you then."Olivia smiles through her tear stained face.

Dr. Palmer nods her head and leaves the patient room for Olivia to dress.

Olivia slides her pants and shoes back on to meet Bryan waiting outside in the car for her. She quickly goes to the bathroom to touch up her make-up and to not make it look like she was just balling her eyes out.

**10: 52 AM, Outside in the car**

Olivia slides into the passenger seat and buckles in her seat belt avoiding eye contact with Bryan.

" You took a while, you ok Liv?"

"Yea, I'm fine" she lies while she looks out the window.

He stretches his hand out to her and surprisingly she takes hold of it.

"I know you're not fine but I'm not going to press the issue. I'm here whenever you need to talk." He pulls her hand up to his lips and places a soft kiss on it to show her how much he cares.

Olivia looks over at Bryan catching his eyes "I will talk to you Bryan...but when I'm ready."

" Liv..."

"I promise ok."

He nods his head not wanting to pressure her into talking "So where am I driving you to, the precinct or home?"

"Actually can you drive me to Dr. Lindstrom's office, you can take my car and just pick me up later?"

"Sure, no problem Liv."

**20 min later**

They pull up to Dr. Lindstrom's office and she unbuckles her seat belt.

"I'll just park the car and hang around the area Liv, you know pick up some things to make dinner with, look around the area. Just text me when you're ready to go."

She leans in giving him a quick peck. "I shouldn't be long, I'll see you you soon."

Olivia exits the car hurrying off for her session with her therapist as Bryan sits in the car watching her leave wondering if he will ever get her to truly open to him, no matter how much they love each other, his love may never be enough.

**A/N: Olivia had a miscarriage and Bryan doesn't know? What is Olivia talking about? Find out in the next upcoming chapter! **

**Whoa 10 Chapters, didn't know I had it in me! I felt that Olivia was too happy so I decided to shake things up a bit. What's a good story without a little drama, right? **


	11. Confessions

**A/N: Sorry for the long wait. Might not be updating as frequently but I promise I will not abandon this story. Read on and don't forget to review!**

**11:15 AM, Dr**. **Lindstrom's** **Office**

"So what brings you here today Olivia" Dr. Lindstrom asked.

Olivia sat across from Dr. Lindstrom on the opposite couch. She wasn't exactly planning on seeing him today but after her doctors appointment she gave him a quick call and asked if he had an opening. She felt that it was best to sort out her feelings before she was with Bryan for the rest of the day, she didn't know if she would be able to handle that.

"From the last time I saw you, a lot." letting out a huge sigh.

"Define a lot for me Olivia"

"A lot as in...I'm with Bryan again." she says with some hesitance.

"Well the last time we had talked about Bryan you told me that you and him had broken things off because he didn't want to have any kids."

"Yeah...he didn't want children, but I think he was just scared, you know. We both have a problem with commitment and because of our jobs we have seen what evil this world has to offer and I guess he didn't want to bring a child into this world knowing that."

"I'm hearing you use words like 'I think' and 'I guess', did you talk to Bryan about how he actually feels?"

"I kinda had no choice in the matter."she says looking down

"No choice? Can you elaborate what you mean by that?"

"I have Noah now. We're a package deal and I made that clear to him, he is actually great with Noah."

"But..."

"But on top of that I also found out that I was pregnant...with his child."

"Congratulations Olivia."

"Yea...thanks." she says as her eyes start welling with tears.

"Sorry. Is this not good news Olivia? I know you have Noah now but you talked about wanting to experience pregnancy for yourself."

"No don't get me wrong, this baby is amazing news." letting out an awkward laugh. "I love Noah as if he were my own flesh and blood but...being pregnant that is a whole other story. It's not like I'm with Bryan because I found out I was pregnant or anything like that. We love each other."

"This is a huge step in you're relationship with Bryan. It is new territory for the both of you."

"The both of us talked about this though, about how scared we both are...but I'm mostly afraid about losing this baby. I mean it's a high risk pregnancy. I put off starting a family and now I'm so old that this baby and I can have some serious complications."

"Olivia, many women are deciding to have children later on in life and they carry their babies out to full term, and raise beautiful healthy children."

"Yea I get that..." A tear slides down her face

"Is there another reason why you feel so afraid? You're safe here Olivia."

"I know...it's just I never told anyone this before, not even Bryan knows."

"Well keeping something from a loved one can be very stressful"

Dr. Lindstrom hands Olivia some tissue as the tears keep running down her face.

"I mean I've dealt with it in the best way I know how and maybe I should have told him what happened at the time. I don't want us to break up or him to leave me because I kept this from him, among other things..."

"Why do you feel like Bryan would leave you?"

"Everyone else does." she says continuing to look at the floor.

Dr. Lindstrom opens his mouth to respond "Olivia you-"

She cuts him off now looking up at him, "Before you say anything, just listen. My own alcoholic of a mother never really even loved me. My rapist of a father, that bastard knew I existed and tried to make contact with me and he ended up committing suicide. Elliot the only consistent man in my life who I trusted left me without so much of a note. For crying out loud all my ex's and I never really clicked, most of the time it was purely just sex, and the ones that claimed they would stick around never did. Before Bryan and I even became serious, all we ever really used to do was have sex, our relationship was basically friends with benefits. It was like a co-dependence. I mean, like I became pregnant because it was a one-night stand with him, we weren't even together at the time." she rambles out.

"Olivia slow down. Breathe. In and out. Can you do that for me?"

She takes a deep breathe in and exhales, repeating this three times.

"Olivia, though the past shapes us into who we are, we are not defined by it. I want you to focus on right now, on all the good in your life. You have your squad, who's like family to you. You have Noah who drastically changed your life for the better, a baby on the way and you have Bryan. If you are willing to open up to him I believe that it will be a step in the right direction."

"Yeah...I think so too."she faintly whispers out.

"Olivia, I know it will be hard but just explain to him how you feel, give him the opportunity to understand whatever the situation is instead of assuming how he would feel, he may surprise you."

**1:45 PM , Benson Residence**

The ride back home was awkward and felt longer an usual. When they got into the apartment Olivia thanked Lucy for watching Noah then Bryan sat down and played with him for a bit then after Olivia fed him some lunch. When it was time for Noah's nap he made no fuss at all and fell right to sleep.

"Liv..."Bryan called out her name.

Olivia stood in the kitchen washing dishes while Bryan laid on the couch holding a sleeping Noah.

"Yeah Bryan?"she says trying to hold back tears.

"I'm gonna go put little man down in his crib, alright?"

"Alright." She replies back as her voice breaks.

Bryan arrives back from the bedroom holding the baby monitor and leaves Noah's bedroom door slightly ajar. He walks over to Olivia placing both of his hands on either side of her shoulders, Massaging her and kneading his hands into her aching back muscles.

"Your so tense Liv, I'll clean these up later. You should go and lay down."

She turns off the pipe and Bryan hears her sniffle,she wipes her tears away as they run down her cheek.

"You ok Liv?"

She turns around to face him. Her face is red and damp from crying. She shakes her head no then Bryan pulls her into a hug. He kisses the side of her head then takes her hand in his, guiding her over to the couch.

"Whatever is bothering you Liv, you can't keep this bottled up. Talk to me."

"I can't."

"Why can't you Liv? Is this about the baby, about what the doctor said?

She nods her head yes, "Part of it."

"Liv I'm not going anywhere. You can talk to me." He says cupping her face.

Liv turns her face out of his hold. "It isn't just about this baby." She takes a deep breath in and gets up from the couch wiping her tears away.

She looks back down at a confused Bryan "I want to be able to be honest with you...about everything. I just never had anyone who cares enough about me to listen to my problems. Part of me trusts you and the other part of me feels like you're going to leave me."

Her rises up from the couch to hold her but she takes a step back. " Liv... "

"No, everyone says that they aren't gonna leave and that is exactly what they ending up doing."

"I'm not everyone."

"Exactly. You leaving me would be so much worse. I don't know what I would do."

Bryan reaches out for her arm to still her pacing. "Stop. I'm not going anywhere. Just talk to me... C 'mon lets sit back down please, breathe."

She sits back down and as she relaxes her breathing evens back out.

"I'm sorry."

"Liv stop, you have nothing to be sorry for."

"Yes I do... I need you to hear me out. No interruptions , ok?"

"Ok yeah, what is it?"

She maneuvers her body to one end of the couch and she brings her knees up to her chest while Bryan sits hunched over on the opposite end with his head tilted slightly towards her.

"Remember when I took that pregnancy test a while back,last January, and it ended up being negative."

Bryan nods his head yes.

Olivia continues on saying " Well I called you and you were so relieved that I wasn't pregnant but I felt so defeated. We wanted different things and we did eventually ended up breaking up that March...and we also ended up sleeping together that night... but I never regretted that."

"Liv where are you going with this?"

She continues on ignoring his question "In April... Lewis got out...and I didn't...when I...when he...ummm."

"Slow down Liv, breathe. It's ok."

"No it's not ok. Just let me get this out."

"Sorry, go ahead..."

"I was pregnant."

"Was?" Bryan says completely stunned

"I found out when I went to the hospital... after they found me and the little girl Amelia but the whole stress of Lewis, of what he did to me, almost did to me... again...I ended up ummm..."

"You ended up losing the baby?"

She nods her head yes. "I didn't tell anyone ok. It was just another thing Lewis had taken away from me...and I..."

"You what? Couldn't or didn't want to tell me? Just be honest with me for once."

"Seriously?" she said increasing in anger "Listen, I'm trying to do that right now. I want things to be different between us. I am trying to be honest with my feelings here."

She gets up from the couch wiping her tears away with the back of her hand and starts nervously pacing.

"Liv..."

"Stop. Don't Liv me!"

" I'm just trying to wrap my head around all this. I'm not even sure what to feel or say, if anything I'm hurt."

"I was going to tell you that I was pregnant but as soon as I got the courage to it was too..."

"Late."

"Yea, then I got Noah and my life didn't suck as much anymore, you know. You didn't want kids anyways so I thought what was the point in telling you and letting you grieve over something when both of us had already went our separate ways. I just don't want anymore secrets between us."

"But we talked after you got out of the hospital, you should have told me then."

"I could have done and should have done a lot of things..."

Olivia walks back and forth rubbing her stomach and is breathing in and out way to hard. Bryan starts becoming increasingly anxious.

"Liv you don't look so good, how about you sit back down while I go get you some water."

Before Bryan can even walk off to the kitchen Olivia started gagging and immediately rushed of into the bathroom. Bryan runs off behind her and finds her on the bathroom floor with her head over the toilet.

He crouches down beside her holding her hair up for her and rubbing her back.

She flushes the toilet bowl once she feels like she has a hold on her self again and he pulls her into an embrace.

"I bet you're wondering, what have a I gotten myself into huh ?"

"No not all. I'm wondering how such a beautiful, caring, loving, woman like you can love a man like me. I'm wondering how did I get so lucky with such an incredibly strong independent woman."

"Thanks for saying that." She says as she holds onto him a little bit tighter.

"No need to thank me. Look Liv, I love how independent you are but you do not have to do this alone. I am committed to you, this child, and Noah. I'm sorry that you had to go through that alone and you felt like you couldn't tell me. "

"Move back in with me."

"What?" Bryan says completely shocked as he pulls away from the hug.

"You sleep here all the time anyways, just move back in with me."

"I don't think we should make that decision right now." he says starting to stand back up.

"You can just say no, you know."

"Liv it's not that it's just..."

"Just what?" she angrily replies back.

"Maybe we should make this decision tomorrow, after we both have had some time to think about this, about us. We already had what feels like a long day. How bout you take a nap, I'll listen out for Noah, clean up a bit."

"I have a better idea how about you go do whatever it is that you do, Noah and I will be just fine."

"Liv..."

"We'll be fine...just go."

"No I'm not leaving."

"Well then get the hell out of the bathroom! I want to be alone!"

As soon as he steps out of the bathroom Olivia slams the door very hard behind him.

She slides down the door and immediately and starts sobbing.

**10 pm**

The rest of the day continued on in silence.

Bryan made dinner while Olivia had locked herself in the bathroom majority of the time but eventually came out when she heard Noah getting fussy.

When dinner was ready the three of them ate in silence. She gave Noah a bath and put him down to sleep.

Surprisingly Bryan was still there. After he had finished cleaning up the dinner dishes he knocked on the door and entered the bedroom while Olivia laid down on her side facing the wall.

"I'm gonna head out now. I cleaned up a bit, checked on Noah and he's out like a light. Maybe we just need some space from each other right now. I don't know, I'll text you when I get home. Goodnight Liv. I love you."

Bryan turns around to leave but then Olivia sits up in the bed and calls out to him "Bryan, wait. Don't go."

Bryan stills his movements and lingers in the doorway waiting to hear her out.

"I don't want to blame my hormones but I have been all over the place today and taking out all my anger on you."

"Go on..." Bryan moves over to Olivia and takes a seat on the bed.

"I know that you love me and I love you too. I do want you to move back in with me but you're right to not want to rush into that decision. We did that before and look how well that turned out."

"Liv I feel like with us it's always one step forward and two steps back with us. I always feel like I'm doing something wrong when all I do is care about you."

"I know and that's my fault. I never open up to you but I decided I want to tell you about Lewis."

"You don't have to do that Liv." he says taking a hold of her hand.

"No, I want to. I realized that I was protecting myself. I want you to know, to understand. But just maybe not tonight ok."

"You don't have to do anything that you don't want to do."

"Can you just stay tonight...please."

"I can do that."he says as he starts stripping down to his undershirt and boxers.

He lays down on the bed with her and she cuddles into his side.

"Bryan?"

"Yea?"

"We're gonna get through this right?"

"We got this babe, one day at a time alright." Bryan gave Olivia a kiss on her forehead and she snuggles closer towards him.

Bryan didn't know what the future held but one thing he knew for sure was that he loved this woman and he wasn't going to let anything get in between them and their family, not this time.


	12. Oversexed or Overworked?

**A/N: You guys have been waiting long enough so without further ado, here is a new chapter. M ratings in the beginning, so if you aren't comfortable with that skip down to 11:03.**

**April 16, 9:46 pm, Benson Residence**

Bryan and Olivia were actually getting along pretty well together these past couple of days. Although Bryan strangely didn't fully commit to moving in, almost every time when they both had a night off, he was at her place.

He helped Olivia with Noah, massaged her back and feet without her asking, and even cooked and cleaned for her. It was like the night that they had talked lifted a huge weight off of both of their shoulders. Bryan and Olivia also hadn't had sex in a while due to Olivia's on and off nausea but she felt better tonight and wasn't planning on wasting anytime.

Olivia crawled into the bed next to Bryan as he was sitting up playing some sort of new game on his phone, way too distracted to notice her, but she wasn't having any of that.

"Bry?" She sexually purred trying to get his attention.

As he turned his head towards her, he was in utter shock to see her wearing absolutely nothing but a lace thong and he immediately ditched his electronic.

"Wow Liv." He smirked "I'm not complaining or anything but this isn't your usual sleep attire."

"Just kiss me." She said rolling eyes as she pulled him into a hot sensual kiss that left him confused and out of breath.

As their lips slowly parted he looked down into her eyes with concern "You sure you wanna do this tonight Liv?"

She then pulled him back down back over herself and seductively whispered , "Honestly, the only thing I am right now is horny...so do you wanna keep on questioning me or take care of that Cassidy?" then she inched her hands down and into his boxers and began moving her hands up and down his shaft.

"Hmm" he hummed with arousal.

"I mean I could just get myself off and we can just go right to sleep if you're not up for it tonight." She said as she began removing her hands from him.

"Nah, nah...I'm up for it." he grunted out

"Then I suggest you stop talking." she laughed as she crashed her lips on to his again.

After a long tongue battle between the two, a now unclothed Bryan hovered over Olivia and placed open mouth kisses all over neck and breasts as he slowly began kissing and inching his way down her body. As his mouth reached her sex she spread her legs wider for him as he pumped his fingers in and out of her. Her moans became increasingly louder when Bryan replaced his fingers with his mouth ,licking her as she became even wetter. She gripped onto the sheets as she began to feel herself lose control with every flicker of his tongue.

She moaned his name out as her orgasm took over body while he kissed his way up to her neck and breasts, sucking on each one of her sensitive nipples and leaving his mark on her wherever he could.

Bryan then aligned himself in front of Olivia as he slid his erected member up into her.

The bed creaked with every motion as she laid down flat on her back taking him in while her breasts flailed around as their bodies collided with each and every thrust. He would pull out slowly then ram all the way back into her again and again until she begged for him to pick up the pace.

After a couple of hard and fast movements she reached her second orgasm for the night and he let go inside of her but they were never done after that.

Olivia now sat straddled over Bryan as she was lazily grinding on him, swiveling her hips from side to side.

Her hands were rested on his chest as she leaned her head back in ecstasy as he hit her g-spot again and again.

"Bry" she said in between her pants and moans, "normally I'm all for you being a boob man but please, no more tonight, they are so sore." then she moved his hand down from her breasts and onto her hips.

"Sorry babe." He said and just as he was raising up to kiss her, Olivia's phone rang for the second time.

At first they were gonna let it ring out again but Bryan couldn't take it anymore.

"Liv...mmmh... just answer it."he panted out between his grunts and moans." I thought you weren't on call tonight."

"I'm not." Olivia said reaching over to the nightstand stilling her movements.

"Hello?" she annoyingly answered not looking at her caller ID

"Hey Liv, sorry to call." Amaro said to her as she was on the other end of the phone call trying to get her breathing to even out.

"What do you need Amaro?" She said still sitting straddled across Bryan.

"Well we got a call about a rape victim. Rollins is talking with her and her mother while Fin is in interrogation with-."she cuts him off

"If you are telling me that the perp is in custody, this could have waited until the morning." She grunted out as Bryan was still rubbing his hands up and down her inner thighs.

"No, uhh the father of a 15 year old beat up her 22 year old boyfriend after walking in on them. Father wants to press charges and wants to speak to whoever is in charge.

As Amaro was trying to give her some information she mouthed the word stop to Bryan who was laying underneath her still trying to arouse her so she could get off the phone quicker.

"Hello? Liv? Is everything ok?" Nick asked

"Yeah...yeah," she said holding in a moan "Umm gimme like 20 minutes." Then Bryan inched his hand up her leg and began playing with her clit." Maybe 30." she managed to say.

"Uhh Ok, Liv." He said with some concern in his voice but she hung up the phone quickly before Nick had a chance to comment on whatever weird sounds he must have been hearing.

***click***

" Really Bry?" She said giving his hand a swat away.

" I love watching you squirm" he said smirking " But what did he want?"

"For me to go in to the station." She pouted.

"Right now? C 'mon don't leave." He said holding on to her bare waist.

"Fine...but only five more minutes."

"That's all I need." he smirked.

Bryan and Olivia then went on to resume their sexual activities. He thrusted up in into her, harder and faster than usual, until he came inside of her once again for the night, making sure she was also completely satisfied.

He was so happy that they ditched the condoms once they found out she was pregnant. He loved being able to consciously feel all of her, her every movement, throb and clench of her sex around him.

As they laid down cuddling in bed she felt horrible knowing that she had to get up in the middle of the night and leave him.

"Bryan I'm so sorry, but I really have to go now." She said as he slipped out of her " but I'll be back before you know it, just make sure to check on Noah ok?"

"Don't worry about us...just be safe Liv."

Then she gave him a quick kiss before rolling out of the bed.

As she walked out of the room she swayed her hips from side to side knowing he was still staring at her ass.

"You're killing me Benson." He said as he laid his head back down on the pillow laughing.

Then she peeked her head in the room one last time before hurrying off to take a shower.

"And you love every second of it."

**11:03 pm, At The Precinct.**

"Hey Nick, sorry I took so long." She called out to him as she power walked her way into the squad room.

"Makes sense now though." He said pointing to her neck. "Don't tell me I interrupted you and-"

"Nick." she said giving him a death glare and now consciously hiding her hickey with her collar. "Just brief me."

After the awkwardness subsided Amaro told her about the situation that they had at hand as they made their way over to the interrogation rooms.

Unfortunately this past week was getting exhausting for Olivia, which probably could also explain why she kept on feeling more nauseous than usual. They had just closed a major case and Chief Dodds was breathing down her neck once again. She was also working way too hard but she just wanted to prove to herself and others that she was able to be a working mom, that she was able to be the squad commander and to be the mother she always wanted be.

At least on the bright side, she was able to still wiggle into her clothes. She just had to remember to go shopping soon or else the only thing she would be wearing to work would be her yoga pants.

**1:37 am**

Olivia returned back from the bathroom with a worried look on her face and entered her office exhaling rather loudly.

"Liv... you don't look so good. Let me go get you a cup of water." Amaro said.

Just then Rollins walked into her office saying,"Hey, so I just got off the phone with a very cranky Barba, he says to put the two men in holding and he will deal with all this during normal business hours."

"Yea, yea... that's umm fine." Liv said as she closed both her eyes. Then she took some deep breaths and placed her hands on her abdomen.

Rollins stepped closer to her and whispers "Are you ok, everything going alright with your pregnancy?"

"I'm just feeling a little..uh..Can you...uh-"Olivia suddenly stopped mid sentence then proceeded to collapse onto the floor.

"Liv, Liv! " Amanda yelled as she ran to her side.

Amaro hears Rollins calling Liv's name and rushes into the room.

"Amanda what happened?!"

"I don't know, one minute we are talking and the next just... I don't know... I don't know, call a bus!"


	13. Relax, Take it Easy

**1:43 AM, Back of Ambulance (continued)**

The paramedics arrived and gave Olivia some oxygen and fluids. She had woken up on the stretcher inside of the ambulance and saw Amanda at her side.

"Sargent Benson you collapsed. I don't believe you hit your head when you fell but we still want to make sure everything is alright and take you in to the hospital, You're detective here also told us that you are pregnant."

She nodded her head then pulled the oxygen mask from her face trying to sit up as she tried to remember what happened.

"Yea I'm about 11 weeks... And before I collapsed I noticed I had some ummm spotting. I'm worried that...that I..."

"It's ok, deep breaths for me...Are you experiencing any cramping?"

"Before I was,but it was very little...am I...am I losing my baby?" She asked teary eyed

"We don't know that for sure but we will get you checked out as soon as possible Sargent Benson, don't you worry you are in good hands."

Amanda watched and heard the exchange of words between her Sergeant and the Paramedic but decided not to comment on it.

"Hey Liv, so Fin called Cassidy, he is on his way to meet you at the hospital and I also convinced Amaro to not be here badgering you with questions when you came to, so he is gonna be with Fin riding behind us."Amanda said.

"You called Bryan?" She said with some worry in her voice.

"You are pregnant and you passed out."Amanda says in a warning tone.

"You didn't tell Nick and Fin right?"she says hoping Amanda didn't.

"I promised I wouldn't Liv...but you got to slow down, I'll cover for you, you know that."

"Amanda?"

"Yea,Liv?"

"Thanks."

**2:09 AM, Later in the hospital room**

"Liv, I'm so glad you're ok. Is the baby ok?" Bryan says rushing in to her hospital room.

"I just got a little dizzy and everyone overreacted. I was also spotting a little bit but it wasn't as bad as before when I uh you know, had the miscarriage. So umm ah ...anyways since the bleeding pretty much stopped I'm just waiting for an ultrasound."

"What could have caused that? Was it me? I mean we did go pretty hard at it before you left. Oh my God,this is my fault." He says rubbing his hand over his face.

"Bry relax. Sit down please." Then he takes a seat next to her and she stretches out her hand for him to hold. "Listen I don't need you freaking me out on me more than I already am. It's probably from being dehydrated and being over stressed. Everything is going to be fine." She said trying to convince herself more than him.

"Nothing is fine Liv, you got to tell your squad about the baby, they will understand... You got to start taking better care of yourself."

"Amanda already knows...and today was just an off day, that's all. I want to tell them when I'm out of the first trimester, when I'm ready to tell them...not now."

"Wait, Rollins knows?"

"Yeah she found out a while ago...she actually knew before you."

"That's fine, at least she has your back, you know."

"No, I don't know!" She said pulling her hand away from him. "What exactly are trying to say Bryan?"

"Nothing Liv! I'm just glad someone there knows and that they could watch out for you...since you seem to be fixed on working yourself crazy."he said mumbling the last part.

"Whatever...can you please just see what is taking them so long?"

Bryan let out a sigh then gets up to walk over to the door, " Liv?" He said pausing before he exited the room.

"What!?"

"No need for the tough act around me. It's alright if you're scared."

Olivia faintly smiles as tears begin forming in her eyes "I think that is about the nicest way anyone has ever told me to stop being a bitch."she laughed.

"Oh, please. I know better not to say that." He joked back.

"It is just hard for me to be excited. It's like once I tell them, everything just becomes so real...I mean that is if I'm not losing the baby already...I can't go through that again."

"It's already real Liv. And you said it yourself that the cramping didn't feel like this the last time. I want this to be a happy experience for you, for us. I don't want you feeling scared throughout your whole pregnancy or feel that you need to hide it." He walks back over to her and kisses her forehead wiping away her tears.

"I love you ok, I'll be right back." She nods her head then rubs away the rest of tears that threatened to run down her face.

As Cassidy leaves the room to go to the nurses desk Fin, Amaro and Rollins walk in.

"Liv, how you feeling?" Fin asks

"Alright I guess,b ut I'll feel even better once I'm at home and in my own bed."

"They just want to make sure everything is good." Amaro replies trying to calm her.

"Well you guys both know that we all haven't been getting enough sleep because of that Norwood case. I was overworked and... tired, it happens."

"Yeah but... not all of us passed out because of it Liv. It's alright if you need to take a couple of days off." Amanda pleads

"Yea, I'll hold things down till you come back." Fin says trying to reason with her.

"I was gonna take the next two days off anyways, no need to gang up on me."

Fin and Amaro then turn their heads to each other sharing a knowing look.

"Alright Liv, get some rest." Fin hesitantly says then the three of them walk out the room and start walking down the hospital corridor.

"Don't even start Nick." Fin says in warning tone.

"I didn't say anything." He says holding his arms up in a mock surrender.

"Oh please, sometimes you are worse than Munch with your damn theories." Amanda joked

Soon after the squad left the room the doctor came in and checked on Olivia.

Fin had went his separate way home while Amanda had caught a ride home with Nick.

The ultrasound showed a healthy baby and good steady heartbeat which put both her and Bryan's mind at ease but Olivia was told that she needed to be more aware of her sleeping and eating habits or else she would either lose the baby or find herself on bed rest. The doctor also told them that bleeding might have been caused by the sex but that it was perfectly normal after sexual intercourse while pregnant, especially if the sex was rougher than usual. Although the spotting was very light, if it was to persist they should call their OBGYN and get checked out as soon as possible but that it may be in their best interest to not have engage in any sexual intercourse until she was out of the first trimester. Olivia was then shortly discharged after so then Bryan took her home so she could rest.

**Meanwhile, Rollins and Amaro's Car Ride Home**

"Amanda I know you told me not to press this thing with Liv but now more than ever I'm positive something is up."

"Nick..." She says in a warning tone.

"What? Don't try and tell me that it's nothing."

"I didn't say that."

"Well what are you trying to say?"

"Relax... Look Nick, I know your worried about her but she just has a lot on her plate, cut her some slack."

"She's the one that needs to cut herself some slack...I don't know Amanda, ever since Cassidy is back in the picture she's been acting different."

"Don't start with that. Cassidy is a good guy... Didn't he help you out a while back with getting that drug dealer out of Cynthia and Gil's life?"

"Yeah. After he was accused of raping someone and got his lawyer to sandbag me on the stand!"

"Oh my God, you're still on that!"

"I have every right to be. What does she even see in him?"

"Listen, I didn't really want to bring this up or get into this again, but when Lewis took her, that man was there for her, before and after. I don't know about you but I don't know a lot of men that actually do that, he didn't just cut and run when it got rough."

"I commend him for that, but like I said, with the trial he was barely there and when that sadistic bastard got to her again he was MIA."

"We don't know what goes on between them at home... And by that time they had already split up anyways."

"Exactly my point. What's different now ? He is still the same idiot."

"People change. Circumstances change. I don't get why you hate him so much. They look happy, stop judging him."

Just then Amaro pulls up and parks his car on Amanda's block.

"Fine, maybe I'll give him the benefit of the doubt."

"That's all I'm asking." She says unbuckling her seatbelt.

"But I feel like you know more than you're letting on..."

"Goodnight Nick." She said but right before she exited the car she leaned in kissing him way longer than she should.

"What are you doing? I thought you wanted to law low for a while." He said as their lips parted.

"We had a long night." She said as she kissed him again.

"Yea...we did." He smirked

Next thing you know Nick ended up following Amanda up to her apartment, and as usual things got pretty handsy from there.

Amanda knew that she had told Olivia that her and Nick would back off from each other but she just hoped he would stop obsessing over whatever he thought Olivia's situation may be and she just wanted to be able to stop worrying about her Sergeant...or at least for the time being.

Amaro on the other hand was just pretty grateful that Amanda was a delightful distraction from his everyday soap opera of a life.

But as they say...We are only as blind as we want to be.

**A/N: For all the medical stuff I'm no expert but I'm trying to be as accurate as I can be. Also new chapters are already in the works but its just hard to get it posted when I keep thinking of something new to add or decide I want to change something but anyways... I want to hear thoughts and ideas so REVIEW, REVIW, REVIEW! Until next time, xoxo**


	14. Lieutenant Assumptions

**A/N: Get ready for the craziness at the end of this chapter and the upcoming ones. Read on and Review!  
**

**9:11 AM, April 30th, Dr. Palmer's office**

"Good Morning, Olivia and concerns or worries today? I know you had that scare the other day and we had talked over the phone about it, but do you have any other immediate concerns."

"No, I don't think have any right now. I have actually been feeling pretty good lately. "Olivia responded with a smile.

"Great, well ok." She said looking over Olivia's chart." So uh your blood pressure, it's not alarming or anything but I would like to see that come down a bit." Then the doctor's eyes scrolled down the chart some more. "Everything else seems to be fine. You're gaining the appropriate amount of weight for where you are at in your pregnancy and your abdomen measurement is right where it should be, but before we get into anything else, how about we just take a peek at the little one...Gels gonna be a little cold."

Olivia rolled up her shirt as Dr. Palmer rolled on her gloves and squeezed the gel onto her abdomen.

Olivia would be lying if she said she wasn't completely nervous about today's appointment. This whole week she was on top of everything. Always having her water bottle within reach and a snack nearby ensuring that she and her child were getting the appropriate amount of nutrients that they needed. Her collapsing was enough of a wake up call for her.

As the lights in the room were dimmed, Olivia was brought back into reality by the sound of her child's heartbeat filling the room, the only thing she felt now was pure joy.

"This right here would be the head." The doctor said as she maneuvered the wand and pointed at the screen "And that over there would be the hand..."

"How soon could you tell us the sex?" Bryan quips up

"I usually like to wait until around the 16th week to ensure accuracy, but even in the position the baby's in, I couldn't tell...looks like you have a stubborn one on your hands."Dr. Palmer joked

"Oh God, I hope not." Olivia laughed

"And here are some 3-D images for you all to see." The doctor says as she changes the setting.

"Wow...just wow..." Bryan stutters out. "She looks like she's waving at us."

"She?" She said gazing up at Bryan, "I just still can't believe that little baby is living and growing inside of me."

"Well believe it!" The doctor says as she prints out some sonogram pictures and turns back on the lights.

"Well everything is moving right along." She said helping Olivia to sit up " I was wondering if you two have given any thought about the amniocentesis tests or the chronic villus sampling, or any other prenatal tests we discussed."

Bryan and Olivia had spent the majority of the night talking and other previous night's going back and forth about whether or not they wanted to do chromosomal and genetic tests on their child. The only thing she cared about was that their little one was happy and healthy.

"Yeah, we both gave it some thought. I want to do the tests to check for any abnormalities but I rather the non-invasive ones..."

"That is completely fine. Well to put your mind at ease, during the ultrasound I checked for any thickness or folds in the baby's neck which is sign for down-syndrome and it looked relatively normal but the blood sample we took earlier from you, we can test that and make sure and we can also check again at around 16 weeks and check for any other disorders."

"Phew, that's good to hear. I just feel like once I know I wouldn't be as stressed out anymore. But honestly it doesn't matter we will love this baby all the same."

"I know you will." The doctor smiled. "Well here are your sonogram pictures for today and I even put some on this disc for you which you can bring back with you each visit and I'll keep adding on new ones as time progresses."

"Would you say it's safe to start telling people?" Olivia hesitantly asks as she began sitting up.

"Absolutely and you two are in the all clear to umm "celebrate" as you wish." She says putting up air quotes causing the couple to visibly blush as Bryan nervously shifts his weight on both of his feet. "Just make sure to schedule your next appointment up at the front desk. I'll see you then, take care."

**10:43 AM, One Police Plaza**

"Chief Dodds?" Olivia nervously said as she knocked on his office door.

"Uh... Sergeant Benson, now what do I owe the pleasure" he said as he motioned for her to sit down in front of him "I usually don't have officers voluntary come down here to my office."

She walked on over and sat in the chair opposite from him.

"Well I just wanted to formally disclose my pregnancy to you and to the department."

"Oh. Well. Congratulations are in order then. I assume you already know the protocol of being on mandatory desk duty."

"Yes sir, already have the paper cuts to prove it." She joked

"So when are you due?"

"I'm due late October. I just wanted to get everything in order for when my maternity leave comes up and I know another fellow officer is going to have to come in and take my place in my absence so..."

"Yea, I'll probably be sending a Lieutenant over in your place when you're gone, maybe a little earlier than that."

"A Lieutenant?"

"Yeah but don't worry Sergeant it won't be permanent. You're doing a decent job over there and Tucker told me you were planning on taking the Lieutenants test anyways but I'm assuming that will be on the back burner for now?"

"Tucker said this?" She said with confusion

"Yea, is there a problem?" He said as he stared back at her with the same confusion.

"No...no problem."

"Ok well then uh... is that all Benson?"

"Yeah, umm thanks…that's all, I'll uh make sure I submit all the proper paperwork once it's completed."

"Take Care Benson."

"You too sir." She said as she began to walk out through the door utterly confused and growing with anger with each step.

**11:32 AM, IAB Offices**

Olivia stormed her way over into Tucker's office "You want to tell me why Chief Dodd's thinks I'm going to be taking the Lieutenants Exam?" As her voice was laced with anger.

"Hello to you Benson."

"Tucker, I'm serious."

He then got up from behind his desk and quickly shut the door and rolled down the blinds.

"Just listen and calm down for a second. Look, I know you want to keep on being the head honcho so I put in a good word."

"You put in good word?" She said crossing her arms across her chest

"Oh and congrats on the baby, Cassidy won't shut up about it."

"I don't know whether to say thank you or to do something to you that might get me suspended."

"It was no big deal, I'm not harboring any harsh feelings over here."

"No big deal?" She scoffs "Bryan can never, and I mean never find out about us. I don't need you doing me any favors!"

"Liv, we both know that for whatever brief time that we were together you enjoyed it as much as I did but you're gonna have to be honest with me and yourself sooner or later."

"Be honest about what?"she said looking at him with disgust.

"That there is a high possibility of that baby being mine, when were you even going to tell me?"

"How dare you even say that!?"she screamed.

"It's the truth!"

"The timing doesn't even match up!" She screamed even louder "I'm with Bryan now and having _his _child, not _yours_, so just back off! You know that whatever this was between us was only ever about sex. I don't need you ruining anything I have with Cassidy. I don't know what the hell is wrong with you and everybody else but I need you to stop sticking your nose in my business. Are we clear?" She sneered

"Crystal." He said moving even closer. "Just know that whenever you get bored with playing house with Cassidy, you know where to find me."


	15. Cat's Out of The Bag

**April 30th (continued), 5:57 pm, Benson ****on the phone in her office**

"Hey Liv. Sorry, I didn't get to talk you after you were finished with Tucker this morning."

"Its fine, you were busy. I was just uhh giving him some paperwork." she said feeling kind of guilty.

"Well I got off early and since I'm coming over tonight, I was wondering what you wanted for dinner." Bryan said as he pushed the shopping cart through the supermarket.

"I don't know...surprise me." She said in a flat tone.

"Not a good idea. Last time I did that, you yelled at me for putting fried egg in the stir fry." he laughed.

"That is because you had the whole apartment smelling like eggs...it was nauseating."

"Liv..."

"What? "She sighed.

"What's wrong? I can hear it in your voice."

"Uhh nothing's wrong, I'm just...drowning in paperwork."

"So did everything go well with telling the squad?"

"I'm actually about to tell them right now. I know I said I was going to tell them when I got in this morning but I think it was better to save it for the end of the day."

"The doctor said everything was looking good Liv."

"I know, I know, it's just ever since I collapsed that day, they have been so overprotective and on my back. I don't need them to keep treating me as if I'm incapable of taking caring of myself...and plus once I tell them I'm pregnant their overprotectiveness is probably only to get worse."

"They just care about you."

"Doesn't make any of this any easier though..."

"Positive thoughts babe."

"Ok I'll be the queen of positivity." She mockingly said. Then as she looked out into the squad room she saw Amaro pacing up and down "...but I better go before they all lose it."

"I'll leave you to it then, we'll talk more at dinner… I Love you."

"Love you too Bryan, bye."

*******click***

Olivia packed away her things then finally signaled Fin, Amaro, Rollins and even Carisi and Barba to come into her office. As they all gathered around she got up from her desk closing the door behind them

"I know you are all probably wondering why I called you in here." She said turning to face them as she leaned against the door.

"Everything alright Liv?" Nick hurriedly asked

"Everything is fine Nick."

"Aww man, don't tell me we are getting a new boss in here Sarge." Carisi interrupted again

"Well not exactly..."

"What do you mean?" Nick eagerly asked again**.**

"Well, Bryan and I are expecting a baby. I'm…well I'm pregnant." She finally blurted out.

Awkward silence filled the room and Fin then decided to speak up, "What no dinner party this time?" Which resulted in all of them laughing.

"Congrats Liv" Fin said as he gave her a hug "I'm happy for you, I know you always wanted this."

"Congratulations." Barba said "When is the little Benson/ Cassidy due to make an appearance."

"Oh I'm not due until October, I got a long way to go." She smiled

"Congrats Sarge, I knew you looked a little different." Carisi said as he once again put his foot in his mouth.

"Watch it Carisi." She laughed "But thank you, all of you."

"Amanda, Nick, you seem awfully quiet." Barba stated

"Oh no, I already knew." Amanda said with a smile. "But congrats again Liv." then they both shared a knowing smile thanking each other for different reasons. Liv was silently thanking Amanda for sticking to her word and not telling anyone but Amanda was just happy that the cat was finally out of the bag.

"Well I guess you are better detective then the rest of us!" Amaro said shifting the mood. "You knew and didn't tell me!" he said directing his anger at Amanda

"Whoa Nick, you're way out of line! "Olivia yelled at him defending Amanda

"This is Liv's pregnancy to tell, not mine!" Amanda yelled back at him.

"Nick reel it back." Fin warns trying to deescalate the situation

"Look, Amanda accidentally found out and I asked her not to tell anyone, she doesn't owe you or anyone else an explanation!" Liv said angrily

"I was worried about you and she knew that! I was thinking of the worst possible scenarios of what could be wrong with you!"

"And I told you to relax, that she was fine and that she would tell you what was going on with her when _she _wanted to!"

"And you?" He said pointing at Amanda "Of course you couldn't wait to use sex to just shut me up about it, huh?"

Just as soon as the words left his mouth a fist connected to his face, causing him to stumble back a few steps.

"Amanda!" Fin said holding her back as Barba and Carisi and Liv all stood there in shock.

"And As I recall you enjoyed every minute of it! "She screamed as she stormed out of the room.

Then they all look over at Amaro who now has a split swollen up.

"Nah, no need to stare. I'm good guys, it's all good. Right Liv? At least you're finally happy that lover boy ASSidy finally knocked you up."

"Wow..." She scoffed as she picked up her things to leave. "Go to hell Nick that was low, even for you."

"Barba, Carisi, you mind if we have the room?" Fin asked

"Fine by me." Then Barba shakes his head at Amaro as he exits the room.

"Uhh umm, I'll go check on Rollins."

"Thanks Carisi." Fin said, but as soon as the door closed behind them he was ready to rip Nick a new one.

"Look man, whatever it is you got going on, stop taking it out on Liv and Rollins. Get it together, take a day off or something because after a while just saying "I'm sorry" ain't gonna cut it and as long as I'm around acting like that ain't gonna fly."

"I know, I know."

"Do you?"

"I don't know what's wrong with me, it's just Maria is threatening to take full custody of Zara and on the other hand I got Cynthia telling me she is probably moving Gil away..."

"That's rough but that is no excuse Nick. This is the happiest I have ever seen Liv, she doesn't need you getting on her about Cassidy. We get it. You don't like the guy, I wasn't too thrilled about him at first either but once you get to know him he actually is a decent guy, or else Liv wouldn't be with him."

"Ahh I guess it's just I see Liv with Noah and how happy he makes her and now she's having another baby...I miss that…that feeling. Now I feel horrible knowing that when she fainted last week, she was pregnant and probably scared half to death. All this time I've been blaming Cassidy for her acting different when all along she was probably just nervous about how much her life is going to change. And then for her to feel like she couldn't come to me about this...or open up to me."

"Nick, Liv is pretty private person so don't feel too guilty about that but how do you expect her to talk to you when go and say things like that. She doesn't need this kind of stress, especially now. And as for Rollins, I don't even want to know what you and her got going on... I don't care who started what or who made the first move or whatever but just keep it out of the office."

"I hear ya man."

"You better, cuz next time Rollins wants to knock you out, I'll be happy to let her finish the job and help her find the body."

**Meanwhile**

Carisi went up to the precinct roof to find Rollins smoking on a cigarette leaning over the rail.

"You know those things cause lung cancer right?" He said as he walked on over to her.

"Well a lot of things are bad for us but we choose to do it anyway." She said taking a drag. "What do you want Carisi?"

"Just checking on you...would have brought you up a cannoli but I think the Sarge ate the last one."

"Well you can go back down and tell Fin I'm fine."

"So uhh...you and Amaro huh?"

"Seriously? "She said as she rolled her eyes.

"I mean I would say I never would have guessed but you guys were pretty obvious."

"Well y'all don't have to worry about that anymore." She said taking another drag

"Well for what it's worth, I think you deserve to be treated better than that."

"I guess." She said as she put out the cigarette.

"Now you sound like one of my sisters." He said as they both laughed.

**5:43pm Benson Residence**

As Olivia walked through the front door she looked over to see Noah playing in his playpen and Bryan wearing an apron over in the kitchen.

As she walked on over to the playpen Noah squealed with delight. "Mama home!"

"Yes, Mama is home, "she said picking him up kissing him all over his cheeks and making him giggle with delight.

"Hey Liv, how did it go?" Bryan called out from the kitchen

"Mind if we talk about that later..."

"That bad huh?"

"I just want to enjoy my meal and my two boys. "She said putting Noah in his high chair.

"Mama play." Noah said as he held his toy car stretched out to Olivia.

"Later little bugger, now is dinner time." She said rustling his hair. "We'll play at bath time."

Bryan walked over, kissed Olivia hello, then placed Noah's bite sized garlic bread and spaghetti noodles in front of him.

"What do we say Noah?"

"Tank you, Buyin."

"Good boy, now eat up." Then Noah shoved a piece of bread in his mouth.

"Yum!" He screamed out. "Wan some? It good." Noah said holding up his fork

"No thank you, you eat up." Bryan said then Noah picked up his noodles with his fingers putting it in his mouth resulting in both Olivia and Bryan laughing.

Bryan then brought over the dinner plates and set it on the table.

As Olivia was washing her hands he popped open a bottle of sparkling grape juice and poured a glass full for the both of them, As she sat back down she had a puzzled look on her face "What's this?"

"Well since you can't have wine I opted on getting some sparkling grape juice, it supposed to be really good...well that's what the cashier at the supermarket said." He laughed

"This is amazing Cass, thank you, for all of it."

As they ate Bryan noticed the weirdness in Olivia but decided not to kill the mood and to just ask her later. He hated arguing with her in front of Noah. It was something that his parents did and he hated every minute of it so he decided to just keep the dinner conversation light.

As they finished up their food Olivia looked over at Noah who was covered in spaghetti sauce.

"Someone is all messy. You ready for your bath Noah? You can play with your rubber ducky. "She said as she picked him up out of the chair.

"Ducky!" Noah squealed with delight

"I'm gonna go give him a bath then put him down to sleep Bryan." She said with Noah rested on her hip

"Wanna Say Goodnight to Bryan, Noah?"

"Night night." Noah waved

"Goodnight Bud." Bryan said walking over kissing Noah on the head then turning his attention to Olivia " I'll wash up the dishes Liv then you can meet you in the bedroom after you put him down."

Then she walked off to the bathroom to tend to Noah.

As he was washing the dishes he couldn't stop his mind from going in circles about what could have happened to cause her to have such a significant mood change in her, but then the doorbell rang.

"Who is it?" Bryan called out.

"It's Fin."

Bryan opened the door a little confused and let Fin in.

"Hey what's up man?"

"Sorry to come unannounced I tried calling her, is Liv around?"

"Yeah, she's at the back with Noah, everything ok."

"Yea, yea. Mind if I wait around for her."

"That's fine, want something to drink?"

"Nah I'm good but I heard about the new baby, Congrats Cassidy."

"Thanks Fin." He said as they shook hands.

Just then Olivia walked back into the living room seeing Fin and Cassidy talking on the couch.

"Hey Fin, I just saw your missed call, is everything alright?"

"Yea, I just wanted to make sure you were ok Liv?" He standing up.

"Why wouldn't she be ok?" Bryan said rushing over towards her.

"I'm alright guys."

"Bull Liv, you always say that." Cassidy says getting angry. "You promised you were gonna go on desk duty."

"Can you relax for a second? I am on desk duty. Nothing crazy happened, there was just a little... misunderstanding at work."

"I don't think Fin would come all the way over here to see if you were ok because of some little misunderstanding."

"Sorry Liv...I thought you told him. I didn't mean to just... "Fin says apologetically

"Its fine Fin, I was going to tell Bryan anyways."

"Tell me what?" Bryan eagerly asked again.

"Well earlier when Liv told everyone that she was pregnant we were all pretty supportive and happy for her...well everyone except for Amaro."

"Amaro?" He angrily questioned

"Yea he said some things to Liv that I felt was crossing the line and I just wanted to make sure she was ok."

"Crossing the line? What did he say you to you Liv?" He said getting increasingly loud

"It's not important...and lower your damn voice before you wake Noah up."

Cassidy takes a conscious step back away from Liv rubbing his hand over his face,

"My bad Liv." Fin apologized as he looked over at Cassidy who was pacing up and down trying to calm himself down. "I didn't want to start a problem between you two. I just wanted to let you know face to face that I talked to him and handled it. He won't be speaking to you like that again. You probably won't see him for a while anyways. I told him to go take a week off and go to California."

"That is probably for the better. Thanks Fin."

"I got your back and if you need anything, even if it is just a babysitter or whatever. Just give me a call anytime."

"I appreciate you checking up on me" she said as they walked over to the apartment door. "But...maybe next time a text won't be so bad to leave me, I'll even settle for voicemail." She joked

"No problem" he laughed "Just make sure when I call that you actually answer."

"Fin." Cassidy called out. "I didn't mean to blow up like that but thanks for having her back man."

"I get it Cassidy. I'll see you guys later."

"Bye Fin."

After Olivia closed the front door she walked straight past Bryan and entered the bedroom. As they were both dressing into their pajamas Cassidy was getting increasingly anxious and couldn't leave their conversation unfinished.

"So you gonna tell me what Amaro said that pissed you off so badly?"

"At this point I really don't want to, you are just going to get angry." She said sitting next to him on the bed.

"I'm already angry."

"Ughh, Just promise me you won't do anything stupid."

"Fine, whatever. I promise."

"Ok, well after I told everyone about the pregnancy, Amaro said that I'm probably just finally happy that my lover boy ASSidy finally knocked me up..."

"Wow...and he calls me an asshole! Next time I see him I'm gonna-"

"Stop...You don't need to do anything... Rollins already punched him in the face..."

"I knew I liked her."

"He said something pretty messed up to her too."

"He's an ass. But you are supposed to be taking it easy Liv. You don't need this stress, the doctor was already worried about your blood pressure."

"...but you know that what he said isn't true right?" she asked ignoring his concerns.

"That what isn't true?"

"That I'm only sticking with you because I ended up pregnant."

"Liv stop... I know we aren't perfect but trust me I know that's not true." He said kissing her forehead as they sat up on the bed holding on to each other. "We may not have the best track record and even though I know you can do wayyyyy better than me, we've come a long way, don't you think?"

"We have, but don't start with that you can do better than me nonsense alright."

"Liv you got to admit that when people see you and me they wonder what the hell is she doing with him."

"Who cares what they think? Baby or no baby. I want you and only you."

"I only want you too Liv" he said running his hands through her hair.

"Good because I'm thankful that you were brave enough to ask me for another chance at this relationship."

"Yea,when we first started seeing each other I'll be honest, I had no clue where this was going but the love I have for you kind of snuck up on me and scared the shit out of me. I had it bad for you since '99." he laughed

"It scared me too," she laughed back "but I had this stupid rule for myself back then. I wanted to be seen as a serious female detective, I devoted my whole life to this job and what do I really have to show for it...I look back on the past two years of my life and see how far I've come, how far we've come." She said as their fingers interlocked.

"I know weird right, who would have thought. Benson and Cassidy in a committed relationship and having a baby. "He laughed

"Yea, who would have thought?" She says as her voice trails off and a comfortable silence fills the room.

Bryan fell asleep pretty quickly after that but Olivia's mind was working overtime.

She stared up into the ceiling and couldn't get Tucker out of her head.

Yea Nick hurt her feelings but she knew there was something going on underneath all that anger he was projecting that had nothing to do with her, she just couldn't believe he would say something like that to her and Rollins.

But the issue with Nick had to take a back burner for now. If she didn't talk to someone about all this craziness with Tucker she might just lose her cool.

She knew better than anyone that you should just focus on enjoying life and all the positive things it had to offer, so that is exactly what she was going to do, after all life is way too short for the meaninglessness drama anyways.

**A/N: I wanna give a huge thank you to any faithful readers that I have who have been so patient with this story. I have great drama in the works for Benson and Cassidy. After all no one said finding happiness would be easy! REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW! xoxo**


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